your shape
by LuluCastle
Summary: "I wish I could see your face, Rick, but the only thing I see is your shape." Caskett AU meeting Rating: T [for now] Angst/Comfort
1. Chapter 1

**Caskett AU meeting**

 **Multichapter**

 **Rating:** T [for now]

Angst/Comfort

"I wish I could see your face, Rick, but the only thing I see is your shape."

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own Castle.

* * *

Blowing out a breath through his nose, he locks the door to his dark, empty apartment and heads towards the elevator.

Although it is a bit chilly outside, he decided that he wants to go out for a walk and do something different, and not stay all day in front of his laptop, waiting for inspiration to strike him. Like every single day – waiting for nothing.

Stepping outside into the cold, windy day, he takes a random turn into some unspecific direction. He doesn't care where he goes, he just wants to walk, to do something.

The snow fell softly to the silent ground at the first sigh of the wind. With the mystery of the night, and the silence so deep and white, the day had the creepiness of the world's end. The naked trees, dotted along the edges of the lane, groaned and moaned under the weight of the snow that lay innocently on their branches.

He breathes in the cold air mixed with the smell of gasoline through his nose, stuffs his already numb fingers safely into his coat pockets and continues to let his legs carry him away. Away from the indifference and the sadness that hinders his breathing for the past year and a half.

He watches as blankets of white snow coats the sidewalks and frosty corners freeze in the shady yards by the shed. People around him twists their scarfs tightly around their necks, noses sniffled and turned red.

All of those people are living their lives, smiles full of happiness painted across their faces and here is Richard Castle, wandering alone through the crowds. If he was more-

 _"_ _Crap!"_ His head immediately whips around at the sound of a woman's yelp and something falling on the ground.

Searching with his eyes, he spots a woman sitting on the cold ice, her face turning into a big frown and rubbing at her ankle. She must've slipped on the ice – and why the heck he's still staring instead of helping?

The sidewalk is full of people and yet no one even stopped for a second to offer the woman a help.

As he came closer, he barely heard soft whimpering sounds and saw that her face glistens with freshly shed tears. He quickly rushes to his feet, kneeling down in front of the woman, waiting for her to notice his presence. But she doesn't.

 _Wow._

Did he mention that even with a big frown and scrunched eyes, she's looking breathtakingly beautiful and young? She's wearing a coach trench coat, visible sweatshirt beneath it and – _oh._ He was so fascinated and amazed by her looks, that he didn't notice the white cane that must've had fallen from her hand. _Shit._

"Hey," he manages to speak, making her head tilt unexpectedly. "Did you slip, are – you alright?"

He watches as her eyes open, unfocused and glassy hazel pupils that stare into some random spot. There are silent tears streaming down her rosy cheeks, making his lungs tighten up at the sight of someone crying like this.

Her hand constantly rubs over her ankle, making his eyebrows gather in concern.

"Ma'am?" he questions again. "Do you want me to take you to the hospital?"

The woman shakes her head and presses her lips into a thin line, breathing heavily through her nose. "No, thanks, I'm fine."

Her eyes are downcast, looking at the ground when he opens his mouth to say something again, but she speaks first.

"Actually, there is something else you might want to help me out with?"

"Of course, whatever it is." He simply answers, his heart racing at the thought of helping to this woman. It's creeping the shit out of him how this stranger could ask him for anything and he would do it without any second thoughts. She's like a magnet.

"I – uh," the miserable look on her face changes into something else, a touch of pink kisses her cheeks, making her look even more beauteous. "When I slipped on the ice, I lost my stick that helps me to, uh, it helps me to not bump or stumble over things."

His eyes immediately spot the white cane, extending his hand to reach it and place it gently in her warm, soft hand.

"Here." He says warmly, watching as her fingers wrap around the stick, holding it tightly as if she's making sure it's not going to slip out of her hand this time.

Her eyes never meet his, but her head lifts up a bit in gratitude.

"Thanks." He hears her full of shyness voice, making the corners of his mouth curve up into a thin smile.

"S'not a problem." He replies, feeling his knees go numb under the ice. He could tell she's freezing, by the way, her body trembles. "Are you sure you don't want me to take you to the hospital?"

"No, it's fine." She mumbles, her teeth gritting from the cold. "I would need some help to stand up, though. If you could-" She asks, her voice full of uncertainty.

"Yeah, sure." He quickly jumps into action to step by her side, crouching. "Wrap your arm over my shoulder." She does as he tells, finding where he is by following the sound of his voice, wrapping her arm around his broad shoulders.

He whispers a small _"Okay, good,"_ and slowly stands, allowing the injured woman to support herself with her good leg. Meanwhile, he's supporting her weight on the side with the injury and holding her soft hand around his own shoulders. His other hand around her waist.

She wobbles a little on the ice, almost slipping again, but this time, he's at her side helping her balance as she hops to safety.

"Where do you want me to take you?" He manages to ask, watching as her face brightens in surprise, but then it quickly vanishes, turning into an embarrassment.

"Actually, it's a bit silly, but I'm-," He watches her as she bites the inside of her cheek concentrating on how to form her words. "I was actually a little lost around here since I'm not able to see. So I really don't know where I'm right now or how to go back at home."

His heart clenches once again in sympathy for this woman whom he'd just met, because of the difficult and unpleasant situation she's fallen into.

He doesn't even want to think how anxious she must've felt when she realized that she was lost, not capable of finding her way back to home. Even if she asked for someone's help they wouldn't have paid attention or seek out for help. Thank God, he was there.

"It's going to be fine." He tightens his arm securely around her waist, making sure she's standing steadily on her one leg. "I'm going to help you get home, you just have to trust me enough to tell me your address."

She really doesn't have any choice.

* * *

He helps the woman to get in the cab, easing her down gently into the back seats, settling himself next to her.

Her ankle throbs with pain, but she manages to keep a straight face on, trying to hide her discomfiture by burying her face in her hands. "I'm really sorry."

His eyebrows gather in confusion, looking down at the woman's hunched shoulders and curved spine. "What for?"

 _He still doesn't know her name._

"For bringing you into this mess," she mumbles. "For ruining whatever plans you had or,"

"Hey, no, it's fine. Honestly, I had nothing important to do. I'm actually glad that I was helpful." _And that I met you._

"You really were." The corners of her mouth lift up into a tiny smile, her white teeth showing underneath. "I'm just never going out alone, again. It was a big, fat mistake. I don't even know how I got so far from home."

"Why were you alone, though?" He asks with a bit of curiosity bubbling inside him. _Doesn't she have a boyfriend?_

"I, well, my dad has a really busy schedule at work today, so he wouldn't be able to come home very soon. I thought it'd be fine if I manage to go out by myself and try to walk and not stumble without someone's help, but I guess I was wrong." The lines of her face form into a deep frown, her teeth grazing over her bottom lip.

"Listen -,"

"Kate." She spells out her name for him.

"Kate," He nods, repeating the name over and over inside of his head. _Damn, what is it with him today?_ "It's completely normal to want to go out for a walk. Especially by your own self without feeling obliged to have other people with you."

"I just don't want to make my dad deal with this," she sighs tiredly. "I want to be capable of doing things by myself."

He doesn't know how to comfort the saddened woman, but somehow he knows that she'll find a way to figure things out. There's some hidden bravery behind the lids of her eyes. The urgency to do things on her own is really big, so he just knows.

He's captivated by a stranger.

* * *

The car makes a shrill sound when the driver hits the brakes to stop the cab in front of what seems to be her apartment building-and seriously how did she get so far from her home?

She protests when he pays to the driver, but he quickly waves her off, opening the car door to help her step out of the vehicle.

His arm finds its way around her waist once again as they walk together towards the entrance of the building. She's jumping on her good foot, balancing with the help of a sweet man who abandoned whatever plans he had to help a miserable woman.

"Is your father at home?" He asks, feeling a little anxious about the fact that she's unable to see and on top of that she has sprained ankle.

"No, why?" She replies, quirking an eyebrow.

"Well, I just thought – isn't it going to be hard for you to be on your own with the injury and all?"

"Oh, no, it's fine. I have a first aid kit at home, I'll manage."

"Are you sure?" He's really being anxious now, but can anyone blame him? He can't just leave her like that. "Look, I don't mean to intrude, but are you capable of – handling this on your own?" He really tries to not use the word 'blind' and ask smoothly about her ability to cope, but she somehow figures out what he meant and smirks.

"You know that a blind person is not as blind as you would think?" She asks playfully, her breath hitching at every little jump she makes to move forward.

"I didn't mean to-," She's noticed that he's a little tense beside her, so she just lets a giggle escape her mouth and shakes her head at how easily frightened this guy is.

"I know you don't, I'm just saying that I'll be fine and you don't need to be worried about my capabilities."

He bobs his head at her even though she can't see him as they reach the doors leading to the lobby. She's somehow sensing they are here, stepping aside from him, to hop on her good foot and support her weight with the door.

It's funny how he's become fully committed and amazed by the beauty of this woman that he'd just met. He barely knows her, she's a stranger, but he's already wishing he could learn more and more about her. The only thing he learned is her name.

It's a start.

"You seem like a pretty tough and strong woman, Kate."

She doesn't know what made him say these words, but for some unknown reason, they brought a smile to her face.

"Thank you,"

"Rick." He adds, grinning now that he finally told her his name.

"Rick," Kate repeats the syllables of his name with a small grin forming at the corners of her mouth, her eyes on his chest not seeing him, but full of glowing gratitude. "Oh, and Rick, I should probably thank you for helping me. I owe you and if there's anything I could do to-,"

"Don't be silly, it's my pleasure to help. You don't owe me anything." He replies reassuringly.

Kate wishes so much she could see at least a little glimpse of his face. The only thing that she knows about him is that his hands are really strong and soft at the same time, that his voice is rich and full of assurance and kindness.

"You can navigate to your apartment, right?" He has to make sure.

"Yeah, yeah." She's nodding her head, turning around to get inside when his arm stretches out to catch her by the elbow.

"Hey, I – eh, wait." He's scratching at his scalp, wondering how to say it to not make it sound presumptuous. "I know we probably don't know each other and it might be a little awkward for you, but would you like to – eh, hang out sometime?"

Her lips press into a thin line, her eyebrows knitting in confusion, which – _oh no that isn't a good sign._

She closes her eyes for a second to gather her thoughts, wetting her lips before speaking. "Listen, Rick, you seem like a really good guy and I'm really grateful that I met you, _but_ -"

 _Oh, no. There's a 'but'._

"I'm not really in a place where I can go out on dates. It's just not the right time for me to be in a relationship-"

"Wait, no," he cuts her off gently, placing a hand on her arm for reassurance, quickly bringing it back to his side when her whole body tenses at the unexpected touch.

"I didn't mean it like that," he lets out a little, nervous laugh, rubbing the back of his neck. "I just wanted to say that if you ever get into a similar situation as today and your father is working, you can always call me and I can walk you around the city. It's just a suggestion, you can decline if you want to."

"That's really sweet of you," There's a little grin forming across her face, making him wish he could spend more time with this woman and discover what other things makes her smile. "But I'll have to decline, I don't want you to waste your time babysitting a blind woman."

 _Whoa, did she really thought of herself as a blind person and nothing more?_

"It would be anything, but a waste of time, Kate. It's just going to be a friendly walk, nothing more. We'll just get to know each other and eat some ice-cream."

Her body shivers at the mention of ice-cream, adjusting her scarf more tightly around her neck. "I'm not sure about the ice-cream."

"Hot chocolate then." Rick replies, grinning. "C'mon it'll be fun."

He almost misses the eye roll she does, acting as if she's annoyed. There's a pregnant silence hanging in the air between them, her eyes narrowing.

"Okay, here's my number, write it down before I change my mind." She jokes and he pulls out his phone to write down Kate's number, memorizing it in his iPhone.

* * *

 **TBC**

 **Thoughts?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Here's another chapter!**

* * *

It's been a week.

A whole week since the accident on the ice and she can't stop the intrusive thoughts about this man. Kate feels like her mind is going at 100 mph, she has thoughts racing around non-stop from the moment she wakes up to the moment she falls asleep.

It's hard to keep track, it's hard to do anything. She tries with washing dishes, playing the piano, taking a long walk with her father and tons of other things, but nothing seems to be erasing these thoughts about _him_ from her mind.

She's just being silly. It's just a guy who helped her in a very kind way and then asked about her number.

 _Her number._

Just now it strikes her what's the real deal about her haunting thoughts. She's actually half regretting that she's given her number to a complete stranger. She's never done this before, what was she thinking? He could be a serial killer, thief, or he could have a fetish for unusual things.

She's probably overthinking this and he's just a normal guy, but she's never seen how he looks. She's never seen his face, his eyes. The only thing she knows is his voice and his name. It's not even his full name, only Rick. He could be lying.

The negative thinking escalates and strikes her so hard, she probably must calm down and try not to obsess over her own thoughts or she'll go nuts.

* * *

It's Saturday night, when she's sitting on the couch, drinking wine and thinking about the call she's received from Rick three days ago.

It's been two weeks now and she decided it's for the best to just ignore whatever calls came from him. He's just going to take the hint and delete her number.

On the other hand, she kind of thinks she's way too harsh and paranoid about this. He was the only one who offered to help her, carry her on his arm and led her back at home. It's just that she can't see him, can't be sure whether he's really a good guy or he's just pretending.

It's just who she is. She's always been doubting people for some unknown reason and her non-ability to see was adding to that.

Her thoughts are being interrupted by the ringtone of her phone, startling her from her own haze, making the liquid in her glass swing. She took the phone in her hand, the small device vibrating and ringing. It's hard for her to know who's calling, but she knows it's not her father since he found out about that option on her phone, so every time her father calls it rings with a certain melody that she knows.

If it's not her father, then it must be Rick. No one else calls her, besides her ex-co-workers that she has not been in contact with for a long time ago.

Her first instinct is to ignore the call, but this time, something inside her nudges her to press the 'answer' button. She's trying to think rationally and fast, because if she doesn't pick up anytime soon he'll give up.

Does she really want him to give up, or she wants to give the man a chance to prove he's a decent guy? She doesn't know, but she decides it won't hurt if she picks up this time. So she does.

* * *

"Hello?" Her heart picks up when his voice echoes through the speaker on her phone, her hand unconsciously gripping the material of her yoga pants. "Kate, are you there?"

"Uh, yeah. Hi." She mumbles, biting so hard on her bottom lip that it may start bleeding soon if she doesn't calm down. What's the big deal? They're just talking.

"I thought I called the wrong number for a second there." He laughs nervously, making her feel a little more relaxed now that she knows he's nervous, too. "Oh, uh, are you able to talk? Is it a bad timing?"

"Yes." She answers, nodding and then shaking her head even though they can't see each other. "No, wait – no."

"Okay?" Rick replies, his voice full of uncertainty.

"I mean – yes, I can talk." She says, making him laugh again. "I'm sorry, this is really weird."

This feels so weird right now. It just feels like she's an automation and that someone else is controlling her words. She hates it.

"Why?" He asks. "If you don't feel comfortable talking with me, I can just-"

"No, no, it's not you. I'm just a little socially awkward person the past few months." A little laugh escapes her mouth, covering it with a nervous cough.

"Oh." He says. "Well, I don't want to fritter away your evening into talking, so I'm just calling to ask you to go out together sometime? Just to hang out, grab a dinner or ice-cream and talk."

"Listen, Rick, I've been thinking about this and I don't think it's a really good idea." She decides it's for the best to just stop this before it's too late and tell him her intentions are different, so he can just move on and not expect things from her that she can't give. "You seem like a really nice guy, but I'm not the kind of person you'd like to hang out with."

"Why not?" He protests like a little child. "What's the big deal of going out and just getting to know each other as friends? It's not like I'm asking you on a date."

Oh, well. Alright, that kind of makes things a little easier for her. She really doesn't know what are his expectations and intentions, but as long as they keep it friendly – it's going to be okay. "As friends?"

"Yeah, Kate, I promise. Just a friendly walk." He promises.

Why not give it a shot and try to be friends with him? Instead of doing the same things every day at home, waiting for her father to take her out on a walk. She could just let it go for once and try to make some friends without messing it up.

"Okay, fine. But you're buying."

"Perfect! I already know your address; you'll just have to tell me when you're free."

* * *

It's Wednesday.

Rick's going to be at her door at any second and she's still in her underwear, fumbling through her drawers. It's usually not so hard for her to find a nice outfit to wear, but for some reason, she can't think of anything that would match.

Maybe it's the anxiety in the back of her mind, dwelling on her whole ability to concentrate. Sometimes it's a little hard for her to choose which clothes to wear and not mix up the colors. Her father once has bought iron on sequence flat beady things and has ironed them on her clothes in braille patterns to correspond with what the color of the shirt is. He did it on the back of her clothes by the seam at her hip area.

For example, her white shirt has the letter 'w' on it for white, so she can trace it with her fingers and know the color of it. It was by the time she was still too new to this whole situation, saddened by the fact that she might never get the chance to see again. Her father noticed that she was struggling with figuring out the colors of her clothes, so he figured out how to fix it.

It's the sweetest thing her father did and she's forever thankful for all of his help.

Pushing away the memories of her struggling times away, she manages to find her navy, gray jeans, and a white shirt. Fumbling a little more through her wardrobe she brushes the fabric of her beige Cashmere coat with her fingers, pulling it out.

She's just about to take her coordination stick and scarf when her ringtone echoes through the apartment somewhere from the kitchen. Her father changed her ringtone on Rick's number to a specific melody, so she could know when he's calling.

She runs without stumbling to reach the phone and pick it up, listening as Rick tells her he is just right outside, waiting for her.

* * *

They talk about random things on their way to one of the cafes. There's a new thing she's learned about him and it's that he's very passionate about Christmas and decorations.

Her hand is draped over his elbow, walking beside him and waiting for him to warn her if there's a bump in the street or ice. It's a little too close proximity for two strangers, but she forgot her white stick at home.

Arriving at the café, both of them chose a booth to sit in and start taking off their coats. The waitress seems to know Rick, so Kate listens as they exchange friendly greetings and then she asks them about their orders.

Kate was in public places before, but now it's somehow different. She's feeling insecure about the fact that she can't look at people's eyes and it's making her nervous that she's with some guy named Rick in a café that she's not sure where it is exactly. "Where are we?"

Rick seems to be surprised by her question, but he quickly gives her an answer. "Calcutta Café, they even have milkshakes here."

Kate nods dumbly, fumbling with her sweaty hands in her lap. His brows furrow in concern when he notices that something's up with her. "You alright?"

She looks up at him, her green eyes focused somewhere around his face. "Uh, yeah. Why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know." He shrugs, tapping with his fingers against the table. "You seem a little quiet."

He doesn't really know her and he can't tell if she's usually like this, but he notices how her shoulders are a little hunched, her posture stiff as if she's worrying about something.

A heavy sigh escapes her mouth, her hands lifting up to rub against her temples in circular motions. "Besides the fact that I don't know much about you, I don't even know how your face looks like and it freaks me out."

"I haven't thought about that." He replies gently. "It must be really frightening to not know who stands in front of you."

"Exactly." Kate mumbles.

He really doesn't know how she must feel all the time. Knowing that she's surrounded by people without being able to see how they look or how they act. He wonders how hard it must be for her to do simple things like dressing, shopping, cleaning.

When he's about to open his mouth to suggest something, the waitress comes to give them their orders. He says _'Thank you'_ and when she leaves, he tries one more time. "Listen, I have an idea."

Her eyebrows raise up in wonder, placing her hands on the two sides of the cup of coffee to warm her numb fingers.

"Let's play 20 questions!" He suggests with a cheerful tone, proud of his great idea.

"What are we? Twelve?" Kate replies, taking a sip from her still hot drink, regretting it when it burns the tip of her tongue. She's too eager to try this coffee.

"No, but this way we'll get to know each other. C'mon." He insists, putting more sugar in his coffee. He watches as she rolls her eyes, noticing she's not doing it for the first time. It's her thing, apparently.

"Fine, but you ask first." She says.

He hums, rubbing at his chin. "What's your full name?"

"Katherine Beckett." She replies, feeling the tension leave her body.

He thinks Katherine Beckett is a beautiful name, it suits her perfectly. He's so proud of himself for suggesting this game, it's going so well.

She takes a sip of her now not-so-hot coffee and sighs in admiration of the sweet taste. It's her turn. "Can you describe how you look like?"

He's surprised by her question, it's a really different from what others would ask him. But he doesn't mind. It's quite interesting to play with her. "Of course. I have-"

"Wait," she frowns, "how am I supposed to know whether you're telling me the truth?"

"Well, it's by the rules of the game, so…" He says, noticing as her frown deepens. "I really don't know how to assure you that I'm telling the truth, but I swear to God that I'm being hundred percent honest. You can touch my face if you want to and figure out by yourself if I'm lying."

She laughs quietly, stirring her coffee with the spoon. Her laughter might be the most beautiful sound he has ever heard. "Okay, I might check if you're telling the truth sometime."

"Well, I have brown hair. It's soft, you can touch it if you want to." He suggests with a little smirk playing over his lips, hearing as she snorts. "I have blue eyes, I haven't been shaving in a couple of days, so my face is covered with stubble. What else, Hmmm, oh – I'm six feet tall. I usually wear dark blue jeans, plain gray T-shirt, dress shirts…"

"Sounds nice." She comments, a slight smile covering her face.

"I'm a very handsome guy," Rick says, making her snort and roll her eyes once again. "Alright, it's my turn."

* * *

They continue to ask each other questions for the next thirty minutes, learning more and more about their personalities and hobbies. It's simple, relaxing and quite fun actually. She's never been so entertained by this game before. It's not awkward at all, which is pretty good, too.

She's learned a lot about his mother. Apparently, she's an actress on and off Broadway and she has a really active social life.

After finishing their coffees, she decides it's time for her to go home.

She catches him by the elbow once again, following his steps towards the exit of the café. He guides her outside in the cold, thick air, feeling her whole body shivering.

They are walking quietly together, side by side in complete silence. He turns to stare down at her face, noticing that she's looking downwards the whole time. The festive lights from the shops on the sidewalk are flashing, the colors of the lights reflecting on Kate's face. It's magical.

"Can I ask you one last question, though?" He breaks the silence, making her lift her head, breaking whatever haze she's fallen into.

"Sure." She smiles, nodding her head.

"Is it," He starts, but then realizes that asking this may not be a very good question to ask. He just can't keep his curiosity out of the way. Rick shakes his head. "Actually, never mind."

"I hate it when people do that." She groans, squeezing his elbow lightly. "Come on, tell me. What do you want to ask me?"

"It's nothing, I figured it might not be a good question to ask." He replies.

"Is it about me being blind?" Kate surprises him by asking and he immediately cringes. _How does she know what was he going to ask?_

"Uh, yeah." He answers dumbly. "But it's nothing, let's forget about it."

"I don't mind if you ask me. Come on, Rick." She nudges him, chuckling sweetly.

He really hates himself for wanting to ask these type of questions that come down to personal space and people's past, but his curiosity was way too big. He's actually quite surprised that she's okay with it.

"Well, um, don't answer if you don't want to, but are you born without the capability to see or something happened to you?"

She knew that he'll eventually ask that question, he's too curious to not ask her. It's completely fine and the fact that he is cautious and worrying about asking this question, makes her think of him as a really sweet guy. "It happened a year ago."

He swallows, walking slowly by her side, his ears on alert and ready to hear her tragic story. "Actually, a lot of other things happened when I was nineteen. A big chain of events made me join the police academy. After a couple of years, I became a Homicide Detective."

 _Homicide Detective?_ It turns out that he barely knows anything about her.

"My team and I were going after a lead. We chased a bad guy who drove a bus and it was raining really bad at the time. I was sitting in my Crown Vic and when I was about to take my turn, out of the corner of my eye I saw something white. I turned my head to the right and another big white van was coming right at me. I wasn't fast enough to react, it happened so fast. I had no control." Her voice changes into huskier during the story. He keeps on listening, without interrupting.

"He hit me on my passenger side, I remember that my car spun and it just kept going. That's pretty much all I remember. Next thing I knew was that I woke up in a hospital and that I was unable to see."

"You must've been frightened," He mumbles, his heart clenching in sympathy for her.

"Yeah, I was. But as time passed I started getting used to it and I thought the brightly colored lights were a sign my eyes were trying to work again. I was really fascinated by it. I used to sit in my father's cabin and stare at it. Now I know that it's my brain, making up for the fact that it no longer receives any pictures."

"I'm amazed by the depths of your strength," Rick says, tapping the hand draped over his elbow in support. She smiles, shrugging her shoulders. "I've known you for so short, Kate and I already think you are the strongest person I've ever met."

"I guess life learns you to get used to everything that's thrown at you."

They reach Kate's apartment building and he guides her inside towards the elevator, pressing the floor button for her. "I'm sorry I brought this up."

"No, it's fine." She replies kindly. "It's in the past now, we have to keep moving forward."

Rick bobs his head in agreement, leading her inside the elevator once the doors open. When the elevator rings in arrival, they step out together. He walks her to her door, staring as she fumbles through her coat pockets to find her keys. She pulls them out in her hand and turns around to stand in front of him.

"I had a really great time tonight, Rick." She admits, lowering her head in shyness, a strand of hair covering one part of her face.

"Me too." He replies, trying to keep himself from reaching out brush the strand of hair behind her ear because that would be crossing the line. "I look forward to more twenty question rounds."

She laughs loud and clear, shaking her head at him. "Good night, Rick."

"Night, Kate."

He's captivated.

* * *

 **TBC**


	3. Chapter 3

Entering the kitchen area, she's met with the smell of pancakes, the sounds of someone moving kitchen utensils and going through the cabinets. It immediately braces her face with a smile.

"Dad?"

Her father turns around at the sound of her voice, waving a spatula in the air. "Good morning, Katie!"

"What are you doing, aren't you supposed to be at work?" Kate moves further into the kitchen to find where her father stands, pushing herself up on her toes to kiss his stubble cheek.

Her father hugs her side with one arm, cooking with the other. "Ah, yes, today is an exception. They need me in the court after lunch time, so I decided to make some pancakes for my lovely daughter."

"This is so sweet, Dad." She smiles at him, squeezing his arm. "But you know, I could've made breakfast by myself. You could've used your free time to get some rest."

"I've been resting all night, Katie, don't you worry about me. Now go eat your pancakes." He commands, watching as she walks away from him, shaking her head and laughing.

During their breakfast together, they talk about her father's work and about her past work.

After Kate went blind, she had tried to work at one café as a waitress for three months. It was hard for her in the beginning, but as time has passed, she got used to it. Unfortunately, there was one time where an ungracious, disrespectful customer stormed in the café, complaining and yelling at Kate about the fact that she accidentally gave him a different kind of coffee that he didn't ask for. The furious guy wanted to contact her boss to ask why they allow visually impaired people to work this job. Eventually, he left the café. Her boss was a really great person, so he asked her to stay, but she decided it's for the best to leave and to not work as a waitress. It wasn't for her.

Since then she's unemployed.

"So how's Rick?" Her father asks out of nowhere.

Her eyebrow raises up at the mention of Rick, swallowing the last piece of pancake. "We haven't talked since the last time we went out. Why?"

Her father learned about him when she asked him to change her ringtone on Rick's number to a particular melody. Jim was surprised at first, but eventually, he started asking her questions about how they met and things like that.

"Oh, I don't know. Just wondering." He mumbles, acting casual. "What's his full name by the way?"

 _Crap._

She actually doesn't know.

* * *

One of the things that she's learned to take benefit from her blindness is that it makes her yoga practicing a lot more challenging than before. Kate feels her balance being challenged as she doesn't have visual references and she also feels the rest of her senses becoming deepened and refined.

This way she feels the difference in the air, the space filling the room. Using the rest of her senses: hearing, taste, touch and smell.

The yoga positions are making her lungs expand, stretching her whole body and making her feel more alive. The present moment is magnified and she's tuning deeper into her breath, feeling and hearing the sensations of her body moving.

She started doing this seven months ago during her physical therapy after the crash. Not only her vision was affected, but she had many other injuries that required a lot of therapy and time to heal. It was hard for her in the beginning, but as time has passed, she made a peace with herself and continued to fight.

As she moves through difficult yoga poses, her muscles start to burn, trying to hold herself in the same position. Beads of sweat rolled down Kate's torso and temple, her breath heavy and-

She's being startled by the ringtone of her phone, ruining the calm atmosphere in the living room. Her heart rate picks up when she realizes that the ringtone melody is the one for Rick's number.

Her legs carry her away from the mat, walking towards the kitchen counter to get her phone. Her sweaty hands reach the device, pressing the 'answer' button.

"Hey, Rick." She breathes out heavily against the microphone, her chest lifting up and down.

"Whoa, hey, am I interrupting _something_?" Rick laughs awkwardly into the phone.

"Yoga, Rick. I'm doing yoga." She replies, opening the fridge to search for a cold bottle of water. When she finally finds it, she opens the cap of it and lifts the plastic bottle to her mouth, drinking the half of it while Rick talks about something on the phone. "I'm sorry can you repeat it again?"

"Are you even listening?" He groans like a little child.

"I'm sorry, I was really thirsty and I needed to drink some water." She apologizes, feeling like she's talking to her child who didn't get to go out and play with the other kids from the neighborhood.

"I said that I was inspired to write something, but then when I sat on my laptop my inspiration quickly faded away."

 _Wait, writing?_ What is he talking about?

"Are you a writer or something?" She jokes, sitting on one of the stools at the counter. She knows it's not good to sit immediately after working out, but she's too exhausted to stay upright. This one time is an exception.

There's a silence on the phone, her brows furrowing in confusion. "Rick, you still there?"

"Yeah, I could say I'm a writer, but it's nothing major. It's just a book that I'm working on." He says as if it's not a big deal.

"You're a writer and you didn't tell me?" She exclaims excitedly.

"Yes, Kate, but as I said – it's nothing major."

Major or not, he's a writer!

"Do you have something published?" Kate asks curiously.

"Yes, but I doubt that you've heard of it." He sighs into the phone.

"Tell me one." She insists, reaching for the bottle of water to drink what's left in it.

"In a Hail of Bullets," Rick replies and she chokes on the water.

* * *

 **TBC**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you for the kind reviews. Enjoy the chapter! c:**

* * *

Her father drives her to the nearby café where she told Rick to meet her. She steps inside through the doors, searching for an available booth to sit in. Her white cane tapping against the floor, while she walks.

Finally, after finding a place, she sits down and waits for the waitress to come.

Chewing impatiently on her bottom lip, she thinks about the man who turned out to be an author. Not just an author, but her favorite author. She feels kind of nervous at the thought of meeting him, even though they already met a week ago and spoke on the phone with him multiple times.

Kate's mind drifts to the sounds of the opening and closing doors of the café, the sound of boots against the tile floor. The steps are coming closer to her until they stop for a second and then she listens as the leather of the booth creaks under the weight of the person who just sat.

She knows it's him by the smell of his cologne.

"Hey, Kate." Rick speaks lightly, rubbing his hands to get them warmer.

She doesn't greet him back and he frowns in puzzlement, watching as the waitress comes to ask them about their orders. Kate orders her usual coffee as well as him, waiting patiently. His one leg starts to bounce under the table, nervously.

"Come here." She taps with her hand on the seat next to her.

His eyebrows gather in confusion, but then she taps her hand again and he obeys by standing up from his own seat and sliding next to her, keeping a little distance. He looks down at her and her face doesn't show any trace of anger or judgment. She's just telling him to sit down next to her, which is weird.

She scares him.

His eyes follow the movements of her hand, lifting up towards him. "Where is your ear?"

"Why?" He asks, uncertain, his skin turning into goosebumps at the touch of her fingers on his neck. This is so weird.

She doesn't answer him, instead, she keeps on tracing his skin with her fingers, going upwards towards his jawline. She strokes his soft hair in slow, calming motions, making him even more confused. The tips of her fingers reach his ear, making her chuckle in accomplishment. He's about to ask her what is this all about, but then he feels a painful sensation as her fingers twist his ear. He screams like a girl, catching her hand to pull it away from his poor ear, wincing and frowning in pain. " _Awgh!_ Why did you do that?"

The rest of the humanity in the cafeteria must think there's something wrong with them, but it was totally worth it.

"You didn't tell me you're freaking Richard Castle, that's why!" Kate huffs angrily, crossing arms over her chest and pouting like a little child.

He really thought of telling her about it when they first met, but for some reason, he didn't want her to know. Most people treat him like he's some big celebrity and he can't speak normally with a person without being asked for an autograph or a photo. He didn't want to be seen as Richard Castle in her mind, he wanted to be just Rick. Simple and normal.

Maybe it's just that Kate is different and he wants to take things differently with her. Besides, he wasn't even sure if she had read some of his work, so he thought it wouldn't be a big deal.

On the other hand, it's not completely fair of him to hide something so valuable as this from her. She's not able to see him and at least he could've done was to tell her who he really is and his profession.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know it would matter that much to you." He replies, rubbing at his still sore ear. "I should've told you from the start."

She's silent for a moment, chewing on the inside of her cheek thoughtfully and then she sighs, uncrossing her arms. "Of course, it does matter, you're my favorite author."

His eyes widen a bit in disbelief, staring down at the woman next to him in astonishment. She does seem like she's a bit embarrassed by her confession, her neck and cheeks burning despite the low temperature in the cafeteria.

By the look on her face, he could tell she's upset, so he comes up with the greatest idea. "Can I make it up to you?"

Kate shifts a little in her seat, still frowning. He doesn't think he has ever seen someone being so cute when they frown or pout, the way her brows scrunched and her lips curved downwards in- _alright, enough._

"Depends on how." Her arms shrug upwards.

That's his cue to make his move by taking her delicate hand in his, watching as her expression transfers into surprised one. He stands up from the booth, dragging her gently along with him.

"Wa-, wait. Where are we going?" She asks, hesitantly.

"You'll see." He replies, a playful smile forming against his chapped from the cold lips.

He takes the stick propped against the seat to place it in Kate's free hand, turning to move into the direction of the doors when she stops him. "Wait, Rick, we – what about the coffee?"

"Oh, right. Here." He pulls out his wallet from his jeans pocket, taking out money with an extra tip, placing them on the table.

* * *

"Rick, are you crazy? I can't do this, it's impossible."

Of course, he takes her to the ice rink. He's a dead man. How could he possibly think she could manage with this? Once upon a time she was good at ice skating, but it was a long time ago, now everything is completely different. She was good at many things, but now she's only capable of finding her apartment door without confusing it with another person's door.

"I'm surprised that you're figuring out about my insanity just now." He laughs at her shocked face, putting his own skates on the bench. "C'mon, Kate it's going to be fun."

"How exactly is it going to be fun? I'm blind Rick, I'll probably slip in the first second and break my bones." He hears a hint of desperation and sadness among the frustration in her voice, making his hands pause on his ice skate boot to take a look at her. She's sitting on the bench beside him, her expression showing hurt and build up frustration from all these years. She's been through a lot and yes, she's unable to see, but he is not going to let this get in her way to have fun and do what she desires to do.

"Kate," He speaks gently, putting a hand on her arm in slight comfort to gain her attention. "You are not going to fall because I'll hold you and guide you the whole time."

She shakes her head in disagreement, fumbling with her hands in her lap. "You are probably going to fall because of me, besides – I'm, just,"

"Come on, this is supposed to be me making it up for you, right? I promise you that none of us will fall, we're going to hold on to each other. Besides, I'm a professional, so you don't have to worry." He declares, watching as the corners of her mouth quirk in amusement.

"Professional, huh?" She asks, hiding behind the honey brown curtains of her hair.

He takes her ice skates that are propped against the bench, nudging them against her feet. "Gimmie your foot."

* * *

Fortunately, Rick chose an ice rink that wasn't full of people, which was oddly nice since it's calmer and he has the opportunity to skate with Kate without constantly bumping into people. He rented a decent pair of skates that would last and most importantly, fit well and provide good support on their feet.

Before stepping on the ice rink he makes sure his and Kate's skates are not too tight or their feet would likely go numb while having their skates too loose will not provide the proper support for their ankles. She rolls her eyes telling him for a hundred time that her they're not too tight on her feet and that he doesn't need to worry, but he checks one more time just in case.

There weren't many people, but Rick still makes sure there isn't a group of people rushing or pushing to quickly get on. When it's safe for them to get onto the ice, he holds her one hand, her other holding onto the railing so that she can balance herself. On the first second she puts her feet on the ice, her knees wobble making her let out a little yelp. He catches her by the elbow, steadying her on her skates and watching as she finds her balance.

"You're going to get used to it. Just make sure that you keep your knees slightly bent and try to push from one foot to the other to get moving." He tells her instructively, moving with ease beside her.

She struggles, trying to move slowly around the rink since she hasn't skated in a long time. Plus, the fact that she can't see where her feet were guiding her wasn't much of a help either.

"I was good at this before, but it was a long time ago." She breathes out, gripping his gloved hand. "Geez, I probably sound like some old lady."

It makes him chuckle, observing as she lifts one foot off the ice for a short period of time before switching feet and pushing off from the other. "When was the last time you skated?"

His question catches her off guard, making her tense up and stumble, using her hands to catch herself. It's very slippery and there's no chance she can catch herself, thank God, Rick is by her side to catch her by the waist and pull her up. She grips onto the railing, swallowing hard due to the high amount of adrenaline in her system.

"Hey, I got you." He whispers somewhere near her head, pulling away to glance down at her. "You alright?" He's noticed that her face become somewhat clouded and more closed off. It makes him wonder if the near-falling experience made her react this way or it's something else.

"Yeah, I just lost concentration." She's nodding her head, her chest rising and falling rapidly. "As you said I'll have to get used to it."

"Here, C'mon I'll guide you. Just hold my hand." He instructs, Kate' eyes widening in horror, but it quickly wipes off from her face when he starts to move faster, his balance composed and stable.

Her fingers grip tightly onto his, intertwined together, concentrating on their mutual balance. He picks up the speed not too fast, but not so slow either, sliding and gliding on the ice together. He gives an extra flick of the ankle at the end of each stroke to get more power and become more efficient.

Kate is at his side the whole time, trying not to stiffen her body because it makes it harder to skate. She gives into the moment, keeping her body loose and relaxed, finding it much easier to glide along.

She doubted that there'll be a chance she would get used to it without seeing and feeling relaxed, but somehow the tables turned. Kate is actually enjoying herself and there's some new feeling bubbling inside of her that she hasn't felt since the accident.

She feels more confident and capable of her skills, the possibility of doing something valuable and she doesn't underestimate the importance of this magical moment. She hasn't felt this stroke and bliss of adrenaline in such a long period of time. Her legs are moving, sliding and the cold air is flooding through the cracks of her coat, making her whole body shiver.

It's the feeling of being alive and the wish to cherish this moment forever.

"The last time I went ice skating was with my mom. She was a great ice skater and I've always wanted to be like her." Kate answers to his unanswered question, filling the missing dots. He slows down a little to be able to look down at her green and full of glowing memories irises. "I used to observe her the whole time to get an idea of what to do with my feet."

His face falls when she mentions _'was_ ', feeling the grief radiating from her body. They don't know much about each other, but as far as he knows Kate went through a lot. "How old were you?"

"Hm, about eighteen? I remember that winter was coming to its end and I was very upset that I had to wait a whole year for the next mother and daughter ice skating time." She shares with him, her eyes downcast and regretful. "Unfortunately, the next winter we didn't get to do it again, nor any other winter that came ahead."

Her last sentence makes him swallow the big lump that has formed in his throat, his sympathy rising above all levels for the woman beside him.

"You know..." she mutters a little shyly, a touch of pink kissing her cheeks. "My mom was actually a big fan of your work."

"Really?" He asks, a hint of surprise and wonder shining in his blue eyes.

"Yeah, I actually went to one of your signings with her. You were really generous towards your fans, which was the first thing that impressed me about you." She admits, still sliding in slow, gentle moves next to him.

"You did?" He squeaks, gripping her hand in excitement. "Why didn't you tell me?"

She shakes her head at him, muttering the obvious "We know each other for a week, besides, if you told me you are Richard Castle sooner, maybe I would've mentioned it."

"Uh, right."

"It's actually quite interesting because now I know how you look." Kate says, the corners of her mouth quirking up in a slight smirk.

"Oh my God! I haven't thought about that. You know how I look now?" Rick nearly yells in excitement, making a couple of people turn around to glance at them in wonder.

"Rick, shush –"

He really didn't think about the fact that she now knows how he looks and that he isn't much of a stranger to her anymore.

"This is so great!" It excites him so much that he doesn't pay attention when one of his feet goes in the wrong direction, his shoe attaching to the ice, making him wobble and stumble on the ice with Kate by his side. He can't control his legs, already knowing that he's going to fall, he decides to let go of Kate's hand, but she grips it trying to steady him. Unfortunately, he's too heavy and they both slip on the cold, solid ice. She goes sprawled on top of him, her knees digging into the freezing surface, hearing as he groans under her.

" _Crap!_ " He groans and she tries to sit up, bending her knees to help him. "My wrist – this hurts too much."

"Jesus, Rick," Kate's voice trembles in worry over the man sprawled on the ice. She tries to find his shoulders with her hands, hovering over him. "Did you break it?"

She knew this wasn't going to end well.

"Ugh, I don't know – I hope I didn't." He mumbles through gritted teeth, his jawline clenching from the throbbing pain in his injured wrist. She is unable to see which of his hands is injured, she can't see anything and she feels completely useless and unhelpful.

"Don't move it, try to stay still and wait until the pain decreases a little bit." She tries to comfort him with her words, stroking his shoulder blades and cheek.

In a couple of seconds, she hears that some people gather around them to help them stand up on the ice without slipping again, leading them to the exit of the ice rink.

* * *

Kate offers him to go to her apartment and bandage his hand since they are near her loft and he accepts, relieved that they're not heading to the hospital, yet. She asks him through the whole way to her loft on which spot it hurts him most or if the pain is bearable and he constantly assures her that he's fine.

He just slipped on the ice and sprained his wrist slightly, it's not a big deal. He tells her multiple times _'I'm a big guy, I can manage some wrist pain.',_ but that isn't enough to wipe off the lines of worry painted across her face.

They're just about to enter her loft when he suddenly stops to ask her, "Is your Dad going to be okay with me being here?"

She laughs at how nervous he turns out to be when it comes to parents, waving her hand for him to get inside. "He's at work and even if he was here I'm sure he wouldn't mind."

He nods at her reassuringly and allows himself to step inside of her loft, closing the door behind him. He watches as she moves around the living room, knowing where each object was positioned, without even using the white cane to coordinate herself. He almost forgets about the pain flaring inside of his wrist while he looks around, observing her home.

She emerges from one of the rooms, probably the bathroom, holding a first aid kit in her hands and placing it on the kitchen counter. "Here, Mr. Castle you can sit on one of the stools on this side." She speaks formally, taking out some elastic bandage from the box.

He obeys by sitting on the stool in front of her, feeling very amused by her doctor role play. He hasn't seen much of this side of her where she jokes and pretends to be a nurse, but he definitely can get used to it. "You have a really extraordinary office, Dr. Beckett. I've never seen one like this before."

She laughs at his comment, shaking her head while unwrapping the elastic bandage. "Give me your hand."

He lifts his hand very gently to place it in the air between them. He's not sure if she can bandage his hand without being able to see, but the second her fingers touch his hand, his doubts quickly disappear. She holds his injured hand as if it's kitten's paw, touching and examining it cautiously with her fingertips, learning his whole hand structure. It feels so good, he almost closes his eyes.

"You'd make a really hot nurse." It escapes his mouth before he could even ask himself if this is a proper thing to say, but she laughs in response, her neck and cheeks turning into a light shade of pink.

She concentrates on the work of her fingers, doing the first wrap around his fingers just below the knuckles, and covering his palm, passing between his thumb and index finger, moving the next few wraps around his injured wrist area. He hisses a bit, biting his bottom lip to keep himself quiet.

"Does it hurt a lot?" She asks, concern flashing into her eyes.

"No, it's fine. Keep going." He reassures her, watching as a hint of hesitation clouds her expression. She continues to wrap his way towards the elbow.

Kate manages to wrap the area from the hand to the elbow to provide stability, promote healing, and avoid additional injury to his wrist. "If I could, I would've caught you… you know?"

His head lifts at her unexpected question to look at her regretful face. What? Does she feel responsible for the fact that he got way too excited and slipped on the ice? "Hey, no, Kate it's not – you can't feel responsible for me being too childish and spraining my wrist on the ice. This isn't your fault."

"Yeah, but still, I could've helped you somehow, but I couldn't. You helped me, walked me home when we first met and I feel kind of bad for not being able to return the gesture. I felt so useless while you were in pain today." She shakes her head in guiltiness, the curtains of her head falling making it easier for her to hide. His hand is perfectly wrapped in the bandage, so he's allowed to move now.

He sits up a little to move his stool closer to her, settling back down on the chair to stare at the most beautiful sight he had ever seen. "Kate, can you look at me for a sec?"

She tilts her head up, trying to see something, his eyes or his hair – something. But the only thing she's able to see among the mixed colors and blurriness is the shape of his face. It's very hard for her to see the shape of it, but it's there, like a shadow with some color.

His eyes search for hers, finding them focused on his chin, so he leans a little bit forward to look straight into her hazel eyes. "Try to look into my eyes now, I'll direct you. Okay?"

"Okay." She bobs her head in agreement, not even knowing where her eyes are looking at. It's really weird, she's wondering why he's making her do this, but she knows that he has some explanation for it.

"Alright, look a little bit upwards – yeah, just like that. I little bit more, though – stop! Right there." He instructs, her eyes finally landing on his own, staring straight at him. It's so magical, it might be the first time they make eye contact even though she can't see him. "You're looking me in the eyes now."

"I am?" She questions, so uncertain and small.

"Yep." He nods, their faces too close to each other. "Alright, so you'll have to listen what I'm saying now. Listen very carefully, Kate."

"Uh, I'm listening." Her brows gather in confusion, still holding his gaze, never taking her eyes away from his.

"I would never expect you to return any gestures or things to me, alright? I don't do them because I want something in return. I do them because I want to and now – we're friends, right? Friends help each other when they have the possibility. You don't have to feel guilty for things that are not even your fault, Kate. You didn't get to choose to have this disability and I won't ever judge you or expect something from you that you can't give."

She's silent for a moment, but then her eyes, her lips, and her spirit all at once smiles at him. Her smile is so wide and beautiful, it can find a way through his heart and shatter it into small pieces. He expects her to say something, agree with him, but she's only smiling and extending her arm to catch his uninjured hand in hers.

"I want to show you something." Kate speaks in a husky voice, standing up to step away from the kitchen and lead him through the living room to the instrument which is positioned in the corner of the room. The big black instrument is illuminated with light that comes from outside, sneaking through the cracks of the curtains.

She guides him next to the piano, it's very large with such mysterious powers and she approaches it, sits down on the bench, pulling slightly onto his hand to invite him to sit next to her. He watches her keystrokes and stares intently at the strange markings and lines on the sheet music.

"You play the piano?" He asks, his voice full of wonder and amazement.

Her lips curve into a little, shy smile, nodding at him. "Yep."

"Wow." He breathes out, staring down at the keystrokes on the piano. "Can you play something for me? If you want to, of course, I don't want to-"

"Of course, that's why I brought you here in a first place." She giggles, sweetly and he smiles in return, observing as she lifts her hands to start playing on the instrument.

A beautiful sound, one that he had never heard before, flooded the room. It's the sound of icicles and little sleigh bells mixed into one impacting combination. Her fingers are moving from key to another key in gentle, slow moves. She must know the notes of the melody that she's playing.

Rick feels the sadness of the music seep into his body slowly and spread throughout his veins as he sits next to her, listening. There are golden levers that she keeps on pressing her feet onto again and again as both of her hands are flying across the long ivory keys.

He listens to the beautiful melody that she plays for the next five minutes and when her fingers slow down to a stop, she ends it with a gentle sound that echoes through his ears. He wishes he could watch and listen to her playing all day.

Her hands rest over the piano keys, her eyes closed and her bottom lip pinned down by her teeth. He knows he's probably staring way too hard, but it's impossible not to. He doesn't know what astonishes him more: the beauty that she carries with her, spreading around the thick air or the amazing sounds that she has just played on the instrument.

"I can't, uh – I don't have enough words to express how beautiful that was." He confesses to her, gazing as her golden eyes open, turning her head to him with a coy smile crossing over her lips.

"You like it?" She asks, hesitantly.

"How could I not?" He responds immediately, averting his eyes between her and the piano. "I didn't know you could play an instrument so well."

She blushes when she hears the excitement and the surprise that glitters in his voice. Her head ducks down to hide the visible redness of her cheeks, thanking him quietly. He's about to open his mouth to ask her more about her piano skills, but the beep of his phone startles him. Pulling it out from his pocket, he reads the text and frowns.

"Seriously, now!?" He pouts at his phone, sighing in frustration.

"What's up?" She asks him in concern and he pushes his phone back into his pocket.

"I, uh, it was my agent. I have to meet her to discuss the new deal about my upcoming book." His voice is full of annoyance that he has to leave Kate, especially now when they're having such an intimate moment.

"A new book? That sounds great!" She speaks out loud, excitement bubbling inside of her. "Does she want you to meet her now?"

"Yeah." He mutters, his voice low and cheerless. "But I don't want to leave, I want to stay here more. We're having such a great time."

She laughs at his childish behavior, thinking that it's really sweet of him to describe their time together as something so valuable and fun. "Oh, come on, Rick. Cheer up a little, it's great news that you're having a new book deal."

"Yeah, but-"

"We can hang out again tomorrow or any day we're both free, but this meeting with your agent is today." She explains to him and he sees that she has a point, but that doesn't make him feel any better about leaving her.

"You promise that you'll tell me more about your piano skills tomorrow?" He asks, his eyes wide and full of hope.

"I promise." She shakes her head at him, standing up from the bench to guide him to the door.

"Alright then, I guess I'll go now."

She hums behind him while he opens the door to step out of her apartment, turning to look down at her. He notices that she's much shorter without her shoes on. It's cute.

"I, uh – thank you for the great day, Rick. I really appreciate that you made me ice skate today, it was a big accomplishment for me even though it's not something big. I'm really happy."

Hearing her say those words, makes his heart melt into pieces and pride that he got to make her day a little different than her usual days. "We'll do it again any day you want to. I should probably thank you, too – for this," he gestures at his bandaged hand at her, grinning. "and for allowing me to watch you play the piano. Honestly, it was the greatest thing I've ever heard."

"Thank you." She says, her eyes shy and focused on their feet.

Everything about this woman is so great, he can fill a whole book about how amazing she is. The power she has over him is so big that he can't stop himself from reaching out with his hand and lift her head, so he could kiss her tentatively on the cheek. He notices the way her body tenses at the touch of his lips against her skin, going still at his unexpected move.

He pulls away to glance one last time at her, watching as her whole face burns, her teeth grazing over her already bruised lip. "Goodbye, Kate."

"Bye, Rick." She manages to say, her voice hoarse.

She listens as his steps echo through the hallway and the ring of the elevator announces its arrival. She closes her door to prop her back against it and to finally allow herself to take a deep breath.

* * *

 **TBC**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks for the sweet reviews!**

* * *

Caressing her supple cheek, he lifts her chin; their noses almost touching. He can feel the warmth of her breath brushing the top of his lip.

When their lips meet, he tries to keep them slightly parted and press gently against her mouth. She lets out a little moan and he takes it as a good sign, continuing to worship her soft lips. She tilts her head slightly to one side, their noses bumping in a sensual way, breathing their souls and their love for each other in that kiss.

Suddenly, a very enchanting and somewhat mesmerizing tune starts to dance in the air around them. It starts to ring inside of his ears, starting to think that he knows this particular melody. It's a piano melody.

Rick tries to find a sweet spot between an open mouth and a gentle kiss, wrapping his one arm around her waist to push her closer to him, his other hand sliding up to caress the base of her neck. It's quiet, only the sounds of the piano melody flooding around the room. It's magical. The taste of her mouth and the sounds of an instrument are like a mantra, calling for him to let himself go deeper into the feelings. Her lips parted to take a cautious taste and bite of his bottom lip, when someone says his name.

"Richard." It's some voice that he recognizes, but can't hear well enough.

He hears it again, repeating multiple times and it makes him drift away from the kiss, concentrating on the voice.

"Richard, darling." The voice speaks again and this time, he's a hundred percent sure that this voice is his mother's. _Oh no, what is she doing here? He's kissing with Kate._

Except that only when he opens his eyes, he's not kissing with Kate and he's not in that room that he has been at a few seconds ago. He's lying in his own bed and his bedroom, his mother calling for him.

"Darling, are you awake?"

His eyes struggle to stay open because of the big level of brightness in his room, but he manages to nod and mumble a response to his mother. "I'm now, thanks to you."

"Okay, good. I just wanted to inform you that it's," His mother lifts her gloved hand to see the time, turning to look at him. "It's almost twelve o'clock and your phone was ringing; It was someone starting with the letter 'K'."

Alright, he's wide awake now.

He props himself against the headboard to take his phone and search for missed calls.

"Oh, well, you're welcome." His mother waves a gloved hand in the air, dramatically. "I was here to take some clothes for my performance, I'm heading out now. Goodbye, Richard."

"Bye, mother and thanks for waking me up." He gives her a soft smile and waits until she's out of his apartment to dial Kate's number. He has missed two calls from her and it makes him worry if it's something important, but when she picks up the phone her voice is all cheerful and happy.

"Hey, Rick. Is it a bad time?"

He scrapes a still sweaty from the dream hand through his messy hair, clearing his throat before speaking. "Nope, what's up?"

"What are you doing?" She asks softly, it makes him smile at how casual and random she talks. Although everything she does makes him smile, but that's something he'll think about after the conversation ends.

"Well, I just woke up and I'm going to take a shower, you?" _Cold shower – more specifically._

"Nothin' much, hey, um I was wondering if you would like to join us for dinner today? Me and my dad." Her question catches him off guard, his eyes going wide, his heart drumming violently against his ribs. "If you don't have any other plans, of course."

She just invited him to dinner, and more importantly – dinner that includes the company of her father. He never met the man and as far as Kate spoke about him, he sounds like a nice person, but for some reason, Rick is a little anxious about meeting with him. It's just that Kate is so different and maybe he doesn't want to screw up their friendship by giving her dad a bad impression of himself.

"Rick, you there?" Her voice echoes through the speaker on his phone, startling him.

"Yeah, oh sure I'll join you for dinner. Is there any special occasion or it's just a random dinner?"

"It's just random, no occasions." She replies.

"Okay, what time and what should I bring?"

"Well, you could come around seven, if it's okay with you and don't bring anything, we have everything here."

Of course, he's not going there empty handed. He's going to buy one of his favorite expensive wines, hoping that they will like it as much as he does. Especially her father. He has one particular type of wine in his mind and there's no way that her father wouldn't like it.

"Alright, I'll be there at seven."

* * *

It's around six o'clock when Rick is standing in his boxers in front of the mirror trying to not panic. It is hard not to, especially when the dream about Kate haunts him all day. The questions in his mind about how he should act on this dinner or what is her father like, or will he like him?

He doesn't know why it's so hard to not think about those things, but they just won't go away from the back of his mind. They're stuck there inside of his brain, the images of the woman that is supposed to be his friend, kissing him sensually. It's the best dream he has ever had and he's not supposed to be thinking this way of her. He promised that everything they do will be in friendly terms and that his intentions are clear.

But something happened, it changed, he can't just think normally about her anymore, he can't look at her as if she's just a friend. Rick realizes that he wants to be something more with this woman that he knows from about two weeks and it terrifies him.

Every single time he sees her he thinks to himself that this is definitely the most beautiful sight he has ever seen, every time her voice speaks through the phone he doesn't want to hang up. He just wants to talk to her and listen to how her day went, about her unmentioned hobbies, favorite foods and piano skills non-stop.

It's silly and frightening, he can't be falling for someone that he barely knows, right? But the quote by Paulo Coelho pops out in his mind. _'With love, there are no rules. The heart decides and what it decides is all that really matters.'_

 _No, no, no._ He's not supposed to listen to his heart because it might be just messing around with his head like it did with other women. He's not supposed to let his heart ruin a valuable and important to him friendship.

"You," He points towards his heart in the mirror, watching himself in the eyes. His voice is strong and deep, his eyes narrowed at his reflection. "You are not going to ruin this friendship by letting some uncertain feelings and dreams get to you. Are we clear?"

He has to and he will forget about this dream.

"Good." Rick speaks to himself, stepping away from the mirror to search for a proper outfit to wear.

* * *

He's dressed in khaki pants and a navy blue button up shirt that's stuffed into his pants, waiting in front of her apartment door. Waiting for himself to gather enough courage to knock. His hands are sweaty around the bottle of wine, almost slipping from his grasp and his mind drifting to his earlier thoughts.

He'll be just fine, it's just a friendly dinner with Kate and her father.

It's not like he and Kate are in a relationship or something, right? It would be much stressful if they were a couple, but they are not and they never will be together because his intentions are completely clear and trustworthy.

Shaking his head to clear his mind, he swallows before bringing up his hand to knock on the door slightly. Almost immediately the door opens, revealing a gray-haired man standing in the doorframe, his eyes on him.

"You must be Rick?" He asks, raising a brow just like Kate sometimes does.

He plants a charming smile across his face, trying to hide his anxiety behind it, offering a hand to the man. "Yes, it's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Beckett, I've heard great things about you from Kate."

"Ah, you can call me Jim." He offers softly, accepting his handshake and inviting him inside the warm apartment. "I've heard great things about you from Katie, too."

"Oh, really?" Rick's heart rate picks up when Jim mentions his daughter's name, placing his one hand inside of his pocket to stop it from trembling, his other one holding onto the bottle of wine.

"Dad." Kate overhears them from the kitchen and groans, making both men laugh. Her father guides him to the kitchen, revealing the great smell of food and the sight of Kate in an apron, wearing kitchen gloves. Her hair is tied up into a messy bun and her smile is so big when she hears him stepping inside, he tries to not melt in front of them. "Hey, Rick! You're here just in time."

"Of course, I am, I wouldn't miss this. I even bought one of my favorite wines, I hope you like it." He says, placing it on the counter next to Kate. She's taking off the big, cotton gloves to untie her apron and throw it casually on one of the stools.

"Perfect, thank you!" Her lips are curving into a sweet smile again and he needs to stop staring or her father will notice and get suspicious. "Dad and I were just wondering what you'd prefer to drink."

"Anything is fine, even just a cup of water." He really wouldn't decline a glass of water for the formed lump inside of his throat.

Her father approaches them to reach the bottle of wine on the counter, putting on his glasses that are hanging around his neck to read the text on the back of the bottle. Jim's brows furrow at the wine and Rick is pretty sure that the sweat that just formed around his forehead is pretty much visible. "I'm actually allergic to Pinotage…"

Rick's eyes widen in horror, turning to look at Kate for help, but she's too far away, setting the table with her back facing them. Oh, he screwed. He really did.

"I, uh," His throat fails to cooperate, his mind spinning, full of questions about how to not make this awkward and how to fix it. "I'm so sorry, Jim – uh, Mr. Beckett. I can go to change the bottle with something else that you'd- "

Jim tries to suppress his giggling, but ends up bursting into loud laughter, squeezing his eyes shut in an attempt to try controlling his laughter. Kate overhears her father and finally comes to rescue Rick who's wondering whether to feel relieved or even more stressed.

"What's going on?"

"Uh, um…" Rick stutters, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment while Jim tries to sober up.

"I just pulled up a little prank on Rick, I'm really sorry- "He shakes his head, still laughing. "I couldn't resist and the way you looked at Katie for help…"

"You really got me." Rick admits, nodding in defeat.

"Dad, would you stop scaring my friends, please?" Kate rolls her eyes while reaching for Rick's elbow to pull him closer to her, which causes him to sweat even more. "Here, Rick, the table is set – you can choose a place to sit. I'm really sorry for my dad's behavior."

Jim shoots an apology look at Rick, shaking his head in regret. "I don't know what I was thinking, please excuse me, Rick, if I made you feel uncomfortable."

"Oh, no, it's fine. I pranked a lot of people, as well, so I know the feeling." He replies, receiving a laugh in response from her father.

"Alright, kids, dinner's ready." Kate announces, sitting on her chair that's positioned next to Rick and across her father whose face is still radiating with amusement from the little joke he pulled on their guest.

* * *

"So, Rick, yesterday Katie mentioned something about your new book deal?" Jim asks casually while rolling some spaghetti around his fork.

"Oh, um, yes. My agent contacted me yesterday to inform me that the contract is officially sealed." Rick uses the napkin in his lap frequently during the meal to blot or pat his lips.

"What is the new book going to be about?" Kate joins the conversation by asking a question that actually intrigues her. She really wants to know what his next book is about. "Don't give out too many spoilers, though."

He reminds himself that she's actually a fan of his work, feeling a little more confident while talking about his writing and future projects. There's only one problem, which he hasn't spoken about with Kate. "Well, it's about this really smart, very savvy and really good at her job detective that is being assisted by a journalist who gets to solve this one case with the NYPD."

"Sounds interesting, I'm looking forward to seeing it around the bookstores." Her father comments nicely, taking some of the salad and then passing it to Kate.

"Thank you, Jim." Rick replies, watching as Kate listens to the exchange between them, smiling softly.

She says something to her father and that leads them to another conversation, while Rick listens to the voices of father and daughter talking.

His eyes travel down to her mouth, watching at her lips which are full and pillowy. Staring at them first thing he wants to do is to trace his baby finger along the sweet outline where skin met mouth. He longs for them, mourning when she pulls out the tip of her tongue to wet them without even knowing what she's doing to him.

He loses track of time, his mind flashing back to the dream he had this morning that almost brings the taste of her mouth in his, even though he had never kissed her. He wonders what would it be like to kiss her right now, her hand touching his and – oh, whoa, her hand is actually touching his on top of the table.

Kate is touching his hand to gain his attention and she's also asking him something.

"Huh?"

"I asked if you'd like some ice-cream." Kate repeats her question, his hand still trapped beneath hers getting more and more sweaty with each passing second. He'll become drenched if Kate doesn't stop these little, unconscious touches that she's not aware that she's doing.

But he's not supposed to think this way, he promised something to himself earlier in front of the mirror. He needs to stop these feelings immediately and try to enjoy their friendly dinner.

"Yeah, sure. Ice-cream would be nice." Rick replies, brushing his mouth with the napkin one more time.

He slips his hand away from hers a little too harshly, but he only realizes what he did when a hint of hurt crossed over her face. Before he could say something or take her hand back, she's standing up from the table to walk towards the freezer. He feels like a total jerk.

"Dad, what about you?"

"Thanks, Katie, but I'm full." Her father lets out a heavy breathing, tapping at his belly which evokes laughter from his daughter. "I think I'm also going to excuse myself for leaving you so early, but I need to get some sleep. My schedule is very busy for tomorrow."

"It's fine, Dad. Go get your sleep." She chuckles when he stands up from his chair and his spine cracks.

"Before going, I want to thank you, Rick, for joining us today. I really enjoyed your company and I look forward to having you here on this table again sometime. If you want to, of course." He laughs at the end and Rick rises from his chair to offer the man a handshake.

"Sure, I'd love that. It was also pleasuring for me to meet you, Jim."

Her father disappears somewhere into the halls, towards his own bedroom, leaving him and Kate alone in the kitchen.

He's watching at her back as she pulls the ice-cream out of the refrigerator and when she turns around, he notices that the curls of her brown strands of hair that escaped from her bun are hanging beautifully around her face. She places the box on the counter, walking towards one of the cabinets, examining them with the tips of her fingers to find the cabinet full of bowls.

His heart clenches in fear when she pushes herself on her toes to reach for one of the bowls, accidentally moving another and it almost drops onto the floor, but he manages to jog by her side to catch it in time. "Whoa, careful. Let me help you with these."

"Um, yeah, that's probably a good idea." The fact that she almost broke a bowl, makes her blush in embarrassment. Of course, he notices it and feels the urge to comfort her.

"Hey, it's okay, it was too close to the edge, I would've pushed it too." He places two bowls of them on the counter, standing next to her to help her fill the bowls with ice-cream.

She's standing silently next to him, pushing one strand of hair behind her ear and for some reason, she's looking sad and hurt. He wonders if it's because he pulled his hand away from hers earlier on the table. He hates seeing her upset, but he also doesn't know what to do to make her feel better.

Except that an idea comes up into his mind, making him dug a finger into the ice-cream to smear it over Kate's cheek making her shriek and jump away from him. He laughs as he watches her opening and closing her mouth in disbelief that he just did that.

"You didn't." She speaks through gritted teeth, touching the melting ice-cream on her cheek as if to make sure it's not something else.

"Oh, yes I did." He speaks, his blue eyes rich and full of challenge.

Before he knows it, she's grabbing a handful fist of ice-cream, smearing it over the first part of his body she could reach which happens to be his collarbones. He gasps as the cold ice cream starts to melt, running down beneath his shirt. "Kate, how could you do that? It's freaking cold!"

"You started it." She shrugs, crossing arms over her chest.

Rick is silent for a moment and he decides it's probably for the best to let her win and not continue this ice-cream fight and wake up her father. "Alright, I guess I deserved it."

He could tell it's exactly what she wanted to hear by the little smirk that curved against her lips.

"Ice-cream?" She offers a full bowl at him and he gladly accepts it, thanking her.

They sit next to each other on the stools by the kitchen counter, both of them focused on eating their ice-creams. Kate has a little white spot of vanilla on her cheek left and Rick has a bigger spot that has melted down towards his chest. He doesn't care at all about the shirt, it was worth the smile that he placed across Kate's face.

* * *

 **TBC**


	6. Chapter 6

Rick is standing in front of the bathroom mirror, pressing the button on his new electric toothbrush, to turn it on. Reaching for his fluoride toothpaste, he squeezes only a pea-sized amount of toothpaste onto the toothbrush. He gently brushes his teeth with a short, vertical and circular motion, just a few teeth at a time.

The phone in his back pocket starts to ring, startling him and making him swallow a small amount of the toothpaste. He pressed the button to turn off the toothbrush, leaving it inside of his mouth to take out his phone. His heart jumps when on the screen flashes _her_ name, immediately attempting to slide on the screen with his wet finger to answer.

After covering his whole screen with water drops, he manages to accept the call.

"Hwey!" He mumbles, accidentally spitting some toothpaste on the mirror while speaking. "I whaz jwust thwinking abwout cwalling you."

There's a silence on the other side of the call, making him pull away the device from his ear to check if she hung up on him, but she didn't. Meanwhile, some of the toothpaste somehow manages to escape from his mouth, sliding towards his chin and falling onto his phone screen. He curses to himself and then hears that she's saying something, quickly placing the phone back to his ear to hear, smudging his cheek with toothpaste.

"Uh, I'm sorry, I think I dialed the wrong number," Kate says, apologizing.

"No!" He shouts, spitting more toothpaste, closing his eyes shut at the mess he had made in his bathroom. "Wait, Kwate, it's mwe Rick."

"Rick?" She asks, somewhat shocked and totally confused. "I thought that… What's wrong with you?"

He laughs at her question, shaking his head. "Cwan you wait jwust a second?"

"Uh, yeah, sure." She sounds even more confused, but he quickly manages to place his phone on the bathroom shelf to spit out the toothpaste in the sink and wash his mouth and smudged cheek with water.

Taking the device back next to his ear, he lets out a heavy sigh and goes into his bedroom. "Sorry for that, I was just brushing my teeth."

"Oh," Kate replies, chuckling quietly. "Then why didn't you hang up? You could've called after finishing with whatever you were doing."

"Ah, it's fine. Besides, I didn't want you to think I'm a rude person who hangs up on you."

"I wouldn't have thought that. A lot of people hang up on me, but that doesn't make me think they're rude, they just have some work to deal with." Kate speaks softly through the microphone, making him sit on the edge of his bed and smile at her voice that's hard to describe. It's warm and flowing like hot chocolate, making him relax.

"Okay, I'll keep that in mind for the next time I'm brushing my teeth." He chuckles sweetly into the phone, hearing her doing the same.

"So, I was calling to ask you if you'd like to go out for a coffee, today?" She asks while he senses the hesitation in her voice.

The last time when he went to her loft on a dinner was about a week ago. He really wanted to meet her this week, but he had to finish some work related things with his agent and publisher and he didn't find any free time for them to hang out. They talked on the phone almost every night before falling asleep, about things like how his or her day went, the weather and simple things like that. It surprises him how quickly their friendship escalated into something valuable.

"Actually, I was just going to call you to tell you that I'm going on a book tour in London." He replies, frowning at the suitcases that are draped over his bedroom floor.

"You are?"

"Yeah, my agent called yesterday to tell me. They booked me a flight for today, I wanted to postpone it for another day, so I could have some time to hang out with you, but it's already done and I can't keep people waiting." He sighs into the phone, nudging the suitcase with his feet, staring at the mess of clothes on the carpet.

"For how long?"

"Uh, not sure – about three days, maybe. It's not going to be for long." He replies reassuringly. "When I come back to New York, I'll call you to go out for a cup of coffee."

"Um, actually I'm going to be at my father's cabin for a week since he has some time off from work."

"Oh, um… That's great!" He anxiously rubs the back of his neck, feeling a little knot forming inside of his chest about the fact that they are not going to see each other for the next seven days. "I mean, it's great that you and your dad will take a break from the city."

"Yeah, it really is." She says happily into the phone, but then it turns into a heavy sigh. "Except for the fact that there will be no Richard Castle there with whom I could go and drink coffee or eat ice-cream in the middle of January."

"I know, I'm really hard to resist." He teases her and hears as she responds to him with a little snort, imagining that she's sitting on the couch and rolling her eyes. "But we can always talk on the phone, right?"

"Uh, actually, no we can't. There's no phone coverage in the cabin."

"You're kidding me, right? No signal, nothing?" He probably sounds horrified now.

"Nope, but if I get to take a walk with my father around the city I'll call you from there."

Only one call for seven days? He wants to talk to her every day, he can't bear to go a day without hearing her voice that was melodious and enchanting; refreshing as a warm summer breeze. So he comes up with an idea.

"Can you give me your father's cabin address?" He asks, jumping to his feet to search for a piece of paper and pen, ready to scribble it down.

"What, why?" Kate asks with a hint of puzzlement.

"I'll send you postcards and letters from London."

* * *

 **TBC**


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry for the delay. I was on a little trip!**

* * *

It's been two weeks since he went on a book tour in London and then came back to New York. He sent a couple of postcards from London to the address that Kate gave him, but he received no answer. Rick knows that she can't answer him since she is unable to see, but he assumes her father is there with her and can help her to read them and give him an answer. Or call him on the phone from somewhere.

Another week passes and he's starting to overthink about the fact the there is no sign of her. He even wonders if she's already here in New York, so he tries dialing her phone number, but it goes straight to voicemail.

"Hey, Kate. I've been wondering if you're back in New York or you're still in your father's cabin. Could you please give me a call when you hear this?" He leaves one voicemail just in case and goes back to his writing.

On the next day, he decides that he can't wait anymore and goes to check into her apartment if there's someone there.

Bringing his knuckles against the wooden door, he knocks slightly a couple of times, jumping from foot to foot nervously. Rick tries to listen for any footsteps on the other side of the door, but there aren't any. He waits a minute more just to be sure that there is no one here and then leaves through the lobby, getting inside of his parked vehicle. He stays silent in the driving seat, his fingers patting against the steering wheel, watching the rainy weather and empty streets ahead of him.

Rick puts on his seatbelt securely across his chest, his hand moving to insert the key into the ignition and searches for the cabin's directions on his GPS.

* * *

It's Monday morning and there aren't many people on the road since they are all busy with work in the big city. He drives at a slower pace than normal since the roads are wet and there are a lot of turns in the forest. It's calm and beautiful. The low music that comes out of the radio increases the harmony inside of his vehicle, making the time pass more quickly.

Her father's cabin is not too far away from the city and by what he sees on the small screen of his GPS is that he's very close to it.

There's a tingling sensation inside of his stomach, trying to keep his excitement and hope that Kate will be happy with his presence.

When he spots a house through the trees, he finally pushes the breaks to slow down the car to a stop. He checks at his GPS, grinning when it shows that he has reached his destination and unbuckles the seat belt to step out of the car.

He jogs towards what he assumes is her cabin and shields his head with his hands from the rain. Stepping onto the porch he's now secured from the rain and he spins around to observe the little house. He glances at the entrance and notices that on the wooden door is carved _'Becketts'_ with what he assumes is a knife. So he's in the right place after all.

After gathering courage and knocking, he steps away to wait for someone to open the door. There isn't any response and he starts to wonder if she's not here either, but then he notices that there are car traces over the wet dirt, which could mean that maybe Kate and her father went shopping or somewhere else.

Rick takes a risk as he pushes the door knob down and he really didn't expect it to be unlocked, but in fact, it is. The wooden door makes a creaky noise when he opens it, cringing at the loud sound.

The paint on the parquet floor is weathered and peeling off in spots, and a slight breeze is making the shutters tap against the house and the hinges squeak. He breathes in the air of old wood and allows himself to step inside, observing what seems to be the living room and kitchen.

It's small and old-fashioned, but very clean and tidy. He likes this atmosphere.

His feet carry him towards the table, sitting on one of the chairs and waiting patiently for Kate and her father to come back. He hopes that they won't be freaked out when they see him-

 _Holy shit._

There is actually someone here.

His ears shot up in an alert when he hears footsteps from one of the rooms and then he hears an opening door, the footsteps coming closer to the kitchen area.

His heart explodes out of the cage of his ribs when gloriously naked Kate Beckett walks into the kitchen without any knowledge that he's here. Oh, well, she's not _fully_ naked, but _shit_ – she's only in her underwear and that's enough to make him so weak that it feels like he's going to faint at any second.

She's heading to pick up something from the couch and he wonders if it's a good idea to just unnoticeably disappear from here and wait until she's clothed. Just to pretend that he didn't see her only in her bra that hugged her lovely breasts and the length of her legs-

 _Oh no._

She's bending to pick whatever it is on the couch while her back is to him and his eyes bulge out of his head when he looks down at her perfectly shaped buttocks. He can't help but take a big intake of breath and let out a whining noise that startles the shit out of her.

She turns around the first second she hears a sound, her hands in front of her in what seems to be an instinct of self-protection.

"Who's there?" She asks, her hands reaching for one of the lamps next to the couch and he freezes.

What is he supposed to do or say now? He still wonders if there's a chance to get away from here without making any sound, but a hint of guiltiness floods through his mind. She's unable to see and it's not fair of him to sneak in and out without her permission. Especially when she's in her underwear in her own home and he is invading her privacy without her knowledge.

"I, uh. It's me, Rick." He gathers a courage, squeezing his eyes shut when he hears her gasp in disbelief.

Her hand leaves the lamp that she was about to take for protection and takes a piece of clothing to cover herself instead.

"Oh my God! What the hell are you doing here? How did you even- "

"I'm so sorry, ugh! I know I've made a huge mistake, but the door was unlocked and I thought that you and your father are out for shopping or something. It was cold and rainy outside and I decided to – just wait for you inside, I don't know why I did it. I'm really sorry that I invaded your privacy this way." He presses fingers against his closed eyes in guiltiness, trying to remove the images of her in his brain. They're going to be stuck there forever.

Her heart rate slows down at his explanation and the corners of her mouth lift up in amusement.

He stands up from the chair, still covering his eyes to avoid looking at her even though he already saw enough for a lifetime. "I apologize once again; I'll go outside now- "

"Wait, Rick…" She interrupts, making him go still in one place. "Stay. I mean, it's okay – I understand that it wasn't on purpose."

"I know right? How am I supposed to know that you're walking around naked?" He asks, still trying to look at the floor and not avert his eyes up to her – well her _everything_ basically.

Kate's mouth flies open in embarrassment, her cheeks flushing red. "You're a complete jackass! As a matter of fact, I'm not fully naked."

"Well, hypothetically- "

"You know what? I'm going to go get dressed."

There's a little smirk forming on his lips when she turns around to walk into what's supposed to be her bedroom, keeping himself from taking one last glance at her ass.

* * *

"So, when is your dad coming back?" He asks when she sees her emerging from the room fully clothed, heading for the kitchen counter to make some coffee. She's wearing a little big for her frame gray sweatshirt and black jeans with fluffy socks on her feet.

"He's not. For now, at least." She answers while taking out two empty cups, putting water in a kettle and turning on the stove to boil it.

"You're here alone?" A hint of concern and worry clouds his features, watching as she rolls her eyes comically. "For how long?"

"A week, I assume. Why do you sound so surprised? It's not the first time I'm alone out here."

"Well, I thought he's supposed to be by your side if you need some help with something – for example, what if you're hungry and you want to go to the shop to get something? What if you get lost in that forest out there, huh?" He looks around through the windows of the cabin, his eyes moving anxiously through the big trees.

"I have enough food stored which I think will last even for two weeks." She speaks calmly, putting coffee and sugar into the cups. "You don't have to worry."

"What if someone attacks you?"

"Geez, you watch a lot of movies."

"No, seriously, look how I got into your cabin without you even noticing me. What if someone who has different intentions decides to visit?"

"That happened just once because my father forgot to lock the door. It won't happen again, besides, there are barely people around here." Kate spins around to turn off the stove and he stands up to stay behind her, checking if she turned it off in the proper way. Just in case if she switched the wrong button.

Okay, he is really being anxious.

"What if there are zombies?" Rick asks, following her movements with his big blue eyes, watching as she shakes her head in amusement and pours the hot water into their cups.

"So, how did you decide to come here?" She leads him to the small table, both sitting down to chat while their coffees cool down.

He really doesn't know the real reason why he came out here. He just missed her and got worried, because there was no signal at the cabin and they haven't spoken in two weeks. It's scaring him how much he cares about her.

"I just wanted to see how you're doing, I guess. I hope that my being here is not making you feel uncomfortable." He shrugs his arms, bringing the cup of coffee to his lips to take a sip, feeling a burning sensation against his tongue. "I'm going to leave after finishing my coffee, though."

"You can stay for a while; you know?" She chuckles, wrapping her long, numb fingers around the cup to warm them up. He did notice it's really chilly out here. "You came all the way from New York and you must be tired."

"Nah, not tired." He clicks his tongue. "I'm full of energy."

"I've never heard of you being tired, anyways."

They both laugh at her statement and then sip on their own drinks, enjoying the warm moment and the silence of the cabin. The only hearable sound is the rain against the windowsills.

"We can take a walk in the forest?" She surprises him by suggesting, making his eyebrows lift up.

"Sure, but doesn't it bother you that it's raining?"

"Nope." She shakes her head, sipping her coffee.

"Alright, then. Let's do it."

When they finish their coffee, Rick watches as Kate stands up from her seat to gather their cups, but suddenly she presses one hand against the table to support herself, swaying a little.

"Whoa, are you okay?" He jumps onto his feet, quickly going to her side to hold her by the elbows. She waves a hand at him, shaking her head as if it's not a big deal.

"Yeah, I got up too fast and my head swiveled a little. I'm fine."

* * *

They are walking side by side through the forest paths, stepping onto the wet dirt, leaving steps behind them. The rain falls lightly on them, mixed with frosty snowflakes. The first thing she gives attention to is the cool air, also the smell of the pine trees. The softness of the pine needles beneath her feet. She hasn't been here in a long time and even though she can't see the branches, fallen trees and bird nests, she's still feeling much peaceful than when she's back in the city.

Kate is holding onto Rick's arm with her gloved hand, listening to their own steps moving through the fallen leaves while he guides her.

"I'll have to warn you that you have to remember our way back because I'm not going to be much of a help if we get lost."

"Even if we do, we'll find our way back. We leave steps behind us." He speaks softly, tapping her hand, which is on his arm.

"Let's try not to get lost, okay?" She says, a hint of worry in her voice and he chuckles sweetly.

The wind wails between distorted trunks, carrying the sickly stink of wood rot. She breathes in the fresh air and hums in satisfaction. The only sound is the crunch of the leaves beneath their feet.

"Oh, I almost forgot. Did you get my postcards from London?" He asks, a hint of excitement in his voice.

"Yes! My father came up to me the first second they got here and read them to me. It was really sweet of you to do this. I really didn't expect it."

"Why?"

"I don't know." Her arms shrug, her teeth grazing over her bottom lip. "I kind of thought you'd be really busy to send me postcards, so I hadn't expected it much."

"It doesn't take much of an effort to write and send a single postcard."

She remembers the day when her father walked into the cabin and announced that there is mail for her. They sat together at the kitchen table and Jim helped her to open the mail, saying it's from London. Kate knew that it must be from Rick, but that single fact didn't stop the butterflies inside of her belly.

She was so amazed by the depths of his kindness when her fingers touched the first postcard he send her; no one has ever done something so special for her. The card was made in a specific way with small beads and bumps so that she could trace them with her fingers and have some hint of what the card might look like.

"Thank you, Rick." She squeezes his arm in gratefulness, bumping her head against his shoulder.

"I'd send you hundred cards, but you'd get annoyed at some point."

"Hmmm, not if they are different."

"Really? You wouldn't be annoyed?" He asks, looking astonishingly at her.

"Nope." She pops with her chapped from the cold lips at the 'p', grinning playfully.

"Okay, then – since now you have three cards, only ninety-seven cards left."

* * *

"Treehouse!" He shouts unexpectedly, his voice echoing through the forest, making Kate startle beside him. "There's a treehouse right there!"

"Rick, what the- "

"C'mon, let's go inside." He takes her by the elbow gently, guiding her towards the tree where a ladder is hanging freely, so anyone could just climb up inside of the small wooden house.

"Rick, - "

"Whoa, be careful. Hold my hand, there's a very big puddle beneath the ladder."

"Maybe it's a trap." Kate mumbles annoyingly beside him, taking her hand away from him when he attempts to hold it. "I won't go there."

"C'mon, Kate live a little. It will be fun."

She only shakes her head at him in disapproval and crosses arms over her chest. His lips pinch into a thin line, shaking his head at her and turning around to figure a way to jump onto the ladder without stepping into the big puddle. "Fine. I'll go by myself."

"Go ahead, Indiana."

He folds his hands into fists and stretches his one foot to catch the ladder with it, making it sway a little. He hums in accomplishment when he catches the ladder with the tip of his shoe, bringing it a little closer to him and grabbing it with his hands.

Finding his balance, he hops with his other foot, jumping slightly onto the ladder without falling in the big puddle. "I really am Indiana Jones."

Meanwhile, Kate rubs at her temples, pulling the hood more securely around her head even though her hair was already soaking wet from the rain.

Rick climbs up the ladder carefully, testing if it's strong enough to support his weight by bouncing on it. The treehouse is not too high, so it's easy for him to reach the entrance, but when he does he can't open the little door. He grunts in annoyance, turning around on the ladder to look at Kate who is waiting for him.

"It's locked."

"Obviously." She murmurs.

"I wonder if there is any other way to get - "He's in the middle of his sentence when one of his feet misses a step on the ladder when he tries to go down, losing his balance and falling with a loud splash into the big, dirty puddle.

Some of the dirty water splashes Kate, but it's not a big deal to her when he has just fallen into the puddle. "Holy crap, Rick!"

" _Awgh._ " He groans, spitting out some of the dirty water that has gotten into his mouth.

She jumps into action to search for him, walking towards the direction of his grunts to try to help him. "Rick, are you okay? Are you hurt?"

"I'm fine." He whines in pain, holding onto his right shoulder. Dirt covers his whole face, the water from the puddle clinging into his clothes and shoes. He wants to cry. "Please don't tell me 'I told you so'."

"Here, I'll try to help you. Take my hand." She steps closer to the puddle, her feet stepping onto the slippery dirt.

"Kate, don't come any closer or you'll- "He tries to warn her, but she has already stepped onto the slippery area, letting out a scream when her ankle twists and she slips, falling with a smaller than Rick's splash into the puddle next to him.

* * *

 **TBC**


	8. Chapter 8

"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry!"

They are on their way back to the cabin, walking side by side through the foggy forest when Rick apologizes for numerous times to Kate for the little accident. She holds onto his elbow, letting him guide her only because she has to and she's not capable of going back to the cabin on her own. If she could, she would have been there by now. It's goddamn freezing.

"Can you please walk a little faster, my hair will turn into ice soon." She grunts under her breath, her whole body frame shaking with each step and movement they make.

"I'm, - but, Kate I'm really sorry! I don't know what I was thinking, please believe me that I'm sorry." He speaks through gritted teeth, feeling as cold as she is since they are both soaked equally. Their faces, clothes, and shoes are covered with dirt that's gradually drying on them. Kate's hair is long and wet, which makes it a little harder for her since it's freezing out here and she has a bigger chance to catch a cold. He shouldn't have acted like a child.

"Rick stop apologizing, it's not entirely your fault."

"How is it not entirely my fault? You practically fell into the puddle because of my recklessness."

"I just should've left you there instead of trying to help you." She murmurs and he looks down at her, feeling offended. He's about to say something in return, but then she really has a point and there's nothing else he can say except _'I'm sorry.'_ Once again.

"How's your ankle, did you sprain it?" He suddenly remembers the way she slipped and looks down to check if she's putting pressure on both legs.

"No, it's fine. How about you, did you sprain anything?"

"Nope." He half lies in order to not make her worry excessively. When he slipped on the ladder, he fell onto his shoulder and now it hurts him a little, but it's not something that he could not handle. "Oh, we're here."

"Really?" Kate exclaims in happiness, her pace getting faster.

The cabin comes into view through the trees, making both of them feel more relieved that they didn't get lost, especially now when they're freezing and in a big hurry to shower themselves, eat and get some rest.

While they walk towards the little wooden house, Rick thinks to himself how guilty he feels about this whole situation. He came out here to see Kate without even asking for her permission, or if she's comfortable with it. The first second he stepped into the house he invaded her privacy by seeing her in her underwear instead of waiting outside on the porch or inside of his car. Then when she suggested him to take a walk in the forest, he started acting like a little boy who'd never seen a treehouse before and soaked them both in the dirt.

Maybe he shouldn't have come here.

Rick guides her through the porch and inside of the cabin, both of them moaning in satisfaction when the warm air of the house surrounds them and stops the icing process inside of their bodies. "The cabin is usually not so warm, but when you come from outside it's heaven."

"That it is." He agrees, bobbing his head and rubbing his hands to get them warmer.

He watches as she bends to untie her dirty boots, taking them off and putting them next to the doorway. "Oh, man, I can't wait to take a hot showe – _wait,_ "

"What?" He asks, observing as she pulls her bottom lip between her teeth in consideration. Her whole face is covered with dirt, making her eyes look brighter than ever and her hair is filthy with mud, as well, but still looking very cute.

"We have only one bathroom, do you want to go first?"

"No, you go first – you're freezing. Besides, I'm going to go before it gets dark, I don't want to drive through that scary forest in the darkness."

"You're not staying?" He swears he hears something close to melancholy in her voice when she asks him, the gentle blush from the cold on her cheeks darkening a shade. "I mean; you can't drive like this. You'll catch a cold in these clothes."

Rick hesitantly lifts his eyes to her face, finding her pupils focused on him with a mixture of remorse and worry.

"I'll be fine. I shouldn't have come here in a first place." A hint of hurt crosses over Kate's features and he immediately curses himself for spelling out things wrong. "I don't mean it like that. In fact, I'm really happy that I saw you, I just – I feel like I ruined your day. You came out here to escape from the city and the people there, it's your hideout and we all have places like this. I should've at least told you that I'm coming."

"Rick, you didn't ruin my day and it's not like I'm here hiding from something. I'm here because it's nice and the air is fresh and your company made it more interesting and adventurous."

"Yeah, but I ruined your clothes… and your hair."

"Oh, C'mon, it's not a big deal. I acted this way because I was freezing, I still am and so are you, so I'll go take that shower and you're next." She takes off her dirty coat and throws it on the ground for later when she does her laundry.

"Well, since you insist so much, I'll stay." He teases, watching as she heads towards the bathroom, her wet clothes clinging to her body as well as his.

* * *

After Kate takes a shower and puts on some clothes, Rick goes next. Kate busies herself with putting their dirty clothes in the laundry machine and then boiling some water in the kitchen for tea. By the time she finishes making tea and drinking her own cup, Rick is emerging out of the bathroom wearing a towel. He knows that she can't see his state of undress, so it's not a big deal for both of them – it would be completely different if she was in a towel, but he's not supposed to think of her in this way. It's inappropriate.

She guides him to her father's room where he'll be sleeping and shows him where the wardrobe is, telling him to find clothes that are his size and he gladly obeys, thanking her.

It's already dark outside and they're hanging around in the kitchen when Rick finds a platter player and turns it on, searching for a nice record that would increase the harmony in the house. Meanwhile, Kate is preparing dinner by placing medium-sized potatoes in a pot filled with water, bringing it to a boil. Rick insisted on making the dinner or helping her, but she told him that she wants to do it herself, so he searched another way to entertain himself.

"What kind of music do you prefer? Let me guess… opera?"

"Right now I'd prefer no music." She laughs at his silly question, slicing onions and carrots.

"Hm, boring." He goes through different sorts of music plates, digging for something interesting and – "Oh, Barbara Carroll trio!" He exclaims it so hard, she almost slices her finger while cutting those vegetables.

"We're so dancing on this one." He speaks to himself while taking out the record and making sure the turntable is not spinning before placing it. It starts automatically when the needle drops. Sound waves that cause a pleasurable sensation fill the space of the kitchen, changing the atmosphere with classical music.

Rick jumps to his feet, walking towards the kitchen counter where Kate is chopping vegetables to place his hands on the surface of the counter and come closer to her. He takes one chopped onion and throws it gently at her, hitting her on the cheek.

"What are you doing?" Her brows furrow in puzzlement and he throws one more at her.

"I'm throwing onions at you."

"Rick, stop it, you're wasting food!"

"I'll stop if you come to dance with me."

"I'm cooking dinner and the potatoes are boiling, I can't just -"

"The potatoes need to simmer for at least fifteen minutes, I'm pretty sure they'll be okay if you leave them for five minutes." He comments, placing his hand on top of hers to stop her from chopping, taking the knife away gently. Judging by the look on her face, she might use it on him.

"Rick, -"

He's already taken her hand in his, leading her in the space of the living room next to the playing record. Rick towers over her, noting that she's wearing a very cute apron. He starts by keeping their left hands joined and unexpectedly spinning her around, earning a yelp from her. The elastic band that secured her bun untangles itself, falling down onto the floor, making her hair collapsing onto her shoulders.

"Jesus, Rick, give me some warning when you're about spin me." She breathes out, her hair in beautiful waves that formed from the shower.

"Life's a dance; you learn as you go." He whispers into her ear, making goosebumps form onto her skin while their bodies touch almost every time they take a step closer and sway together following the rhythm of the music.

"Cheesy." She replies, the smug smile on her face disappearing when he does a turn once again, making her heart rate pick up abruptly.

They dance wildly for the next few minutes, swaying their hips, moving in sync, laughing and smiling uncontrollably. Heat radiates between them and slick sweat glides down their skin while they twirl, each move making them breathless.

The next song that comes up is slower, so they take this as an opportunity to slow down their movements and allow their lungs to function. Rick comes closer to her, both of them listening to their ragged, short breaths. He puts his right hand on Kate's left hip and his left hand gently grasps her right hand, holding it up.

"Is this okay?"

"Yeah." _More than okay._ While they simply transfer their weight back and forth in a slow dance, she thinks to herself how different this is. How wonderful and good she feels right in this moment. They had a couple of moments like this since they met each other and every time Kate feels the desire to cherish the moment forever in her mind. "This is my dad's favorite song."

"Really?" Rick asks his cheek at her temple, their hands clasped softly. "It's an amazing song."

"It really is." She hums softly, her head falling onto his chest, listening to the rhythm of his heart that matches the melody of the song in the background. There's some heat that radiates from his body that she's never felt with anyone else before. There's a lot of things about him that she notices, but she's never let herself to think about. "I didn't realize that I needed this until you made me do it."

"Sometimes we have to step out of our comfort zone in order to feel better and happier." He speaks softly next to her ear, swaying in gentle moves with her.

"I know, but since the accident I've become even more closed off than I was before. I do the same things every single day and at some point, I got used to it, so I stopped trying to change it. That's why I decided to stay more than a week here because it's different and it doesn't make me feel so bad about myself." Rick closes his eyes at her confession, feeling the urge to make this woman the happiest person in the world. She really deserves to be happy.

"I'll get you out of that hole you've fallen into." _It's what friends do_ , he repeats to himself, but when she presses her face deeper into his chest, snuggling into him, he can't help but hope that someday in the future they'll have the chance to become more.

"I really want to stay and dance and talk more, but I need to take out the potatoes…" She mumbles into his shirt, making him laugh sweetly.

* * *

After they finish the soup that Kate made, they talk a little about his next book project, about his time in London and then he helps her with the dishes. They separate when she has to go to her room and he has to go to her father's room.

After Kate wishes him a 'Goodnight' and he wishes her the same, she goes into her room and blushes when she thinks about their dancing time earlier in the living room.

However, that night she dreams of him and her dream is enough in influential to make her blush uncontrollably on the next morning.

* * *

 **TBC**

 **Thoughts?**


	9. Chapter 9

Cut me open and tell me what's inside  
Diagnose me 'cause I can't keep wondering why  
And no it's not a phase 'cause it happens all the time  
Start over, check again, now tell me what you find

(lyrics from one of my favorite songs:  
Bring Me The Horizon - Avalanche)

* * *

Her head hurts so bad.

Kate wakes up so groggy, she can't think or focus properly, and her limbs all ache like she has been running in her dreams. Throwing the covers away from her sweaty body, she tries to get out of the bed with all her muscles feeling like they've turned into wet noodles. When she stands up, her head starts to throb even more from the sudden movement and she's wobbly on her feet, so poorly coordinated that it takes her several minutes to find the bathroom door.

She strips her clothes, throwing them on the tile floor and turning on the faucets for the hot water, filling the bathroom with steam.

She feels so exhausted and taking a shower seem like a pretty good method in order to make herself feel better and fresher, but in fact, it doesn't make her feel better. It makes her feel worse.

The second the hot water touches her skin, it feels like the water is draining the energy from her body, consuming what's left. She tries to take a deep breath and hold it for a few seconds, blowing it out afterward, but that doesn't ease the horrible sensation either. The air in the bathroom becomes thick and muggy due to the hot water, it's hard for her to breath.

Her ears start to pop, all noise blurs and all sounds become distant and faded. Her skin becomes clammy and blood rushes from her head, feeling dizzy all of sudden. She tries to turn around to stop the water, but it's so hard for her to move – all she does is to place a hand against the bathroom wall to support her weight.

Suddenly, Kate feels her knees going weak, her whole body fighting to stay upright. She loses the battle when she slides sideways on the wall, barely registering the fact that it feels like all of the blood is rushing from her head all the way down to her feet in a sudden rush. She doesn't even register when she hits the ground.

* * *

His mind is fuzzy; the last remnants of a dream being pushed away by the fact that he's awake again. It was a nice dream, something about being on the porch of his house in the Hamptons, but the details are fading fast even as he tries to recall them. He opens his one eye, watching as the sun peeks in Jim's bedroom window, lighting his hair like a fiery halo. The sun's vibrant rays sent a glossy, gold sheen all around the room, blending with the snow that covered everything during the night.

He pushes the covers away, standing up and the first thing he does is cracking the bones in his spine, humming in satisfaction. He heads towards the living room, the kitchen to check if Kate's already up, but she's nowhere to be seen. He even checks outside in case she decided to relax on the porch lounge. Nope, she's not there, either.

Thinking to himself that maybe she's still sleeping, he decides to busy himself with searching for some food through her cabinets and refrigerator. He wants to spoil her with some of his secret recipes, already imagining what her reaction would be to one of his special chocolate chip cookies. He finds all he needs in order to make them: butter, sugar, chocolate, milk - even ice cream that would be a great combination with the cookies. Spotting the apron that Kate wore yesterday, he puts it on to avoid staining his clothes with batter. _She's so going to love them;_ he thinks to himself while taking out the mixer, his finger almost touching the button to turn it on, but... Something stops him.

He hears a sound that's like a thud - like something fell onto the ground. There's a moment of hesitation, thinking to himself that maybe some neighbor dropped – _wait,_

There are no neighbors' here. It's a house on one floor.

Abandoning the products onto the kitchen plot, he takes off her apron throwing it on one of the stools, his feet carrying him towards Kate's bedroom. He knows that he's probably just freaking out over nothing, but he has to check.

"Kate, you in there?" He asks, his voice a little louder than usual. There's no response from the other side of the door, so he knocks. He waits in silence for a few seconds, but there's nothing. That's his cue to allow himself to enter her room, for first time stepping inside and observing the area. The first things his eyes settle on is her empty bed, her covers thrown sideways, which tells him she's gotten up. There's a sound of running water coming from one of the corridors which leads to the bathroom, making the knots in his heart ease.

She's just taking a shower. Nothing to worry about.

But he heard a sound, something dropped onto the floor and he can't just leave without letting his natural instincts strike him. Deciding to just check on her, he goes into the direction of the bathroom. When he knocks on the door and receives no answer, the invisible rope around his neck only seems to tighten and the knots in his chest grow tighter. "Kate?"

There's only the sound of running water, making his stomach clench in worry.

"Kate, if you don't answer – I'll come inside." He pumps his fist against the thin door once again, but nothing changes. There's definitely something going on here and he decides it's for the best to take a risk by going inside instead of leaving when she might be needing help.

Five, four, three, two, one... He's counting and pacing in front of the door, rubbing his neck anxiously.

"I'm coming inside." His voice is flat when he speaks, placing his hand against the door knob ready to go inside.

Before entirely stepping inside he calls out for her name once again, but when she doesn't answer, he enters and looks around.

* * *

 _Shit._

He sucks in a shaky breath, feeling his throat constrict. Panic rises like bile in his body, tensing. He suddenly doesn't know how to speak. Or walk. He just stands blankly at the open doorway, staring down at the terror before him.

"Jesus, Kate." He grips the hair on his head with both hands, almost ripping it off. There in front of him is Kate passed out on the tile floor, naked. The water from the shower head pouring over her body. Her face looks so lifeless and – _okay, okay._

He has to do something, for example: turning off the faucets.

Going further into the bathroom, he turns off the streaming water and kneels down on his both legs to examine her condition. Placing his palms beneath her slumped head, he lifts it gently, brushing a few strands of wet hair away from her face. There's a little crack onto her temple which may have been caused when she fell.

"Shit, Kate, -" How did that even happen? Had she accidentally slipped and hit her head?

Pushing away these thoughts for another time, Rick wastes no time and slips his hands beneath her wet body, his right hand on her spine, his left hand holding her legs. She's so thin and small in his arms. He takes her off the ground gently, lifting her naked body in bridal style, observing the unconsciousness that clouds her beautiful face.

"Hold on, Kate. You'll be fine." He breathes out, his lungs expanding in worry and anxiety for the woman in his arms.

He goes straight into her bedroom, easing her down onto the mattress and looking around the bedroom, searching with his eyes for blankets, never settling on anything. He's such in panic, he can't concentrate properly. The corner of his eye catches a glimpse of something that looks like a blanket – which turns out to be in fact a really big and fluffy blanket, so he uses it to cover Kate's naked body.

He towers over her, slipping his hand under her neck to adjust her onto the pillow. He's watching her from close, observing her pale face, the dark circles that have formed under her eyes and the droplets of water that fall from her wet hair onto the bed sheets.

Rick straighten up, his posture stiff and tense. His eyes land on her phone that's on the mini table next to her bed. He takes it and goes to the living room to dial her father's phone number.

* * *

They talk a few minutes about what happened on the phone, Rick listening as Jim says how regretful he is that he left her alone in the cabin, but how grateful he is that Rick's there for his daughter. He asked her father why he left her alone, and Jim answered him that Kate insisted him to go to work. She told him that she'll be fine on her own.

Rick doesn't want to think about the consequences and what would've happened if he wasn't here.

Her father spoke with Kate's doctor and told Rick that he's on his way to the cabin, but it'll take him some time until he arrives. "Alright. I'll keep you posted, Jim." Rick says on the phone and then hangs up, pacing around the space of the living room.

He walks into Kate's bedroom to check on her, his chest filling with relief at the sight of her awake. Her eyes are open, unfocused and she's blinking slowly. Rick watches as her lashes kiss her cheeks every time she blinks, stepping closer to her bed to announce his presence.

"Hey, how do you feel?" He asks gently, stuffing his hands into his jean pockets.

She breathes out through her nose, pulling out her tongue to wet her lips before speaking. "I've been better."

"I spoke with your father. Your doctor is on his way here."

He stares as she nods slowly and then lifts a hand towards her face to rub at her temple. "Okay."

"Do you need something? Water?" Rick asks, watching as she shakes her head slightly.

He decides to leave her alone for some time, sitting on the couch and bouncing his leg anxiously.

* * *

"Welcome, Dr. Mitchel, thank you so much for coming." Ricks shakes the man's hand when he walks in through the door. Rick feels so much relieved now that he's here to see Kate's condition and prescribe something that would make her feel better.

"Always for Mrs. Beckett." The old man offers a genuine smile. He has white as snow hair, wearing big glasses with transparent frames and stethoscope that hangs around his neck. "So I spoke with Jim about what happened this morning, he explained me everything that you told him over the phone. From what I've heard – you're not sure if Mrs. Beckett slipped and hit her head or if she just lost consciousness, is that correct?"

"Yes." He bobs his head twice, pointing towards the direction of her bedroom. "She's been awake now for about ten minutes."

"I assume that she didn't slip, but we'll hear her side of the story."

"How, - why do you say that?"

"The same thing happened to her a month ago back in New York. She passed out in her apartment. Good thing her father was there."

Jim didn't mention to him that she lost consciousness before. Kate hasn't mentioned it either.

"Huh, I didn't know about that."

Dr. Mitchel follows Rick through the space of the house as he leads him to Kate's bedroom. The white haired man walks towards her bed and greets her softly, asking her questions like 'How are you feeling, Kate?' or 'Does your head hurt a lot?', like he knows how she's supposed to feel. Or what to feel.

Kate barely opens her mouth to speak, responding to her doctor's questions with nods and shakes of her head. The man takes out a little flashlight from his bag coming closer to Kate to get a look at her eyes. "Your pupils seem equal to me, which is a good sign. Mr. Castle, you should keep an eye on her and look if there are any changes."

"Like what?" Rick asks, crossing arms across his chest while listening to the Doctor's instructions.

"Well, you only have to check if they're equal.

"I'll look out for any changes."

"Good," He takes the flashlight away, turning it off. "Now, Kate, about the headache I'll prescribe you the same as last time, but you know that the symptoms of pituitary-"

"Dr. Mitchel, wait," Kate interrupts, suddenly looking very awake and anxious about something that the Doctor was about to say. "Rick, can you give us a moment, please?"

The Doctor looks between them, and Rick whispers a faint _'of course'_ before leaving the room and closing the door behind him. He walks towards the couch and sits down, propping his crown against his hands, gripping hard on his scalp and hair. He does that to decrease the numbing sensation inside of his brain.

* * *

 **TBC**


	10. Chapter 10

**Before you read this chapter I want to inform you that this is NOT a story with a tragic ending. There will be a happy ending. :) Enjoy!**

* * *

After Rick exchanges 'goodbyes' and words of gratitude with Doctor Mitchel, he starts pacing around the living room once again.

Meanwhile, Kate emerges from the bedroom, fully clothed. She's wearing a pair of sweatpants and sweater that matches perfectly the color of her eyes. Her posture is stiff and her legs are wobbly when she walks towards the couch to sit down, her hands reaching out to find her surroundings.

He stops pacing the second she walks in, observing the way she seems more tired and weary than usual. He'd never seen her like this before, it makes his sympathy levels raise impossibly high.

"Hey," He murmurs, stepping closer to the couch where she's sitting with her jaw clenched in what seems to be pain from a headache. "Do you need something?"

The only response he gets is a faint shake of her head.

"Oh, okay. I, erm – I'll leave you alone, tell me if you nee-"

"Rick..." She sighs, closing her eyes. "We need to talk."

He tries to remain calm even though hot and cold flushes pierce through his body which is caused by Kate's frazzled, tense expression and trembling voice. Gathering courage for what's about to come, he sits down on the cushions slightly - not too close to her, but not too far either.

"Should I be worried?" His question causes her jaw to clench even more and her eyebrows scrunch together.

"I need you to hear me out… Without interrupting and I need you to, uh, promise me something." He could feel his nerves tingling like being tickled with a small feather, he knows that something is not right. By her voice, he could easily understand that what she's about to tell him will be very serious.

"Kate what's going on?" Rick stutters, feeling a sea of anxiety in his belly, his throat closing up.

"First, I need you to promise me that you're not going to try to change my mind about anything, okay?" She begins while the anxiety curled into his stomach trashes like a tornado. He has no idea what she's talking about – he may have some ideas – but he can't let his mind drift to dark thoughts like these before hearing her out. He needs to listen carefully, so he bobs his head in determination.

"I, - I promise." Kate nods her head at him, grateful about his agreement and takes a deep breath before continuing.

"Listen, Rick… I never meant to, - I wanted to talk to you about this in the very beginning of our friendship, but I couldn't let myself do it. There was never the right time for this and now it became a little too late." She never turns her head towards him, instead keeping it low in shame and holding her hands into tight fists. He's about to interrupt, but she speaks again before he has the chance.

"I, uh, do you remember the first time we went out and I told you about the accident?"

"Of course." He replies softly, wishing so bad that he could just wrap his fingers around her hand in comfort.

"Back then I didn't tell you an important thing that's part of the story. It's the main reason about," She gestures at her eyes, shaking her head in regret. "Well, about everything."

"Kate,"

"After I woke up in the hospital the Doctors started running tests on me, trying to figure out the real cause of my disability. So after a couple of days, Dr. Harrison walked into the room while my father was there… He said that he had some news about my condition. By his serious tone I figured it would be bad news." Rick is still lost, not knowing where she's going with all of this, but wherever it's going, he knows for sure now that it's not going to be a 'happy ending' kind of story.

Kate pauses for a second, gathering her thoughts and trying to collect them. It's hard for her to confess this, but she just needs to go for it and tell him. He deserves to know the truth and with what kind of person he's dealing with.

"That day, I, uh, I was diagnosed with a Pituitary Gland Tumor, which is a small gland located near the brain. It turns out that I had this tumor before the accident and one of the symptoms – which I had – is vision changes and problems. So when I was driving that car, chasing our suspect – the reason I lost control and that van hit me was because of the symptoms." Her voice trembles from time to time, but at some point, she manages to get a grip on herself and speak more flatly.

Meanwhile, Rick doesn't know how to speak or move. He's just staring blankly at the empty space behind her head, feeling totally crushed.

"Rick?" She finds herself asking hesitantly when he appears completely silent.

"What about… treatment options, is it treatable?" He asks, his heart constricting the entire time. His question catches her off guard, making her slide her sweaty palms against her thighs. She told him the first part, now it's time to tell him the second part.

"My Dad spoke with my endocrinologist a month ago and yes, it's treatable, but I won't be getting treatment." So her dad knows about it and _wait, what?_

"What do you mean you, - why do you say that?" The hairs on the back of his neck stand up, panic rises like bile in his whole body. _What does she mean by that?_ "What about surgery?"

"Rick," Kate sighs, lifting a hand to rub at her temples in exhaustion. "It's not that easy."

"So what you're just going to leave things like that? Wait, until…" He shakes his head, not wanting even to imagine any further.

"I don't want to inconvenience my father with money for treatment. He has huge debts."

"I'll give you money." Rick insists, getting closer to her on the couch, searching for hope in her eyes, but he only sees guilt and sadness. "Whatever it is, I'll give it for you."

"No, Rick. You're not going to be giving any money." She shakes her head in refusal, pushing herself to stand up from the couch to escape from his close proximity, but he places a hand on her elbow to stop her.

"Kate, listen –"

"No, Rick you listen. I didn't tell you this so you could offer me help. I'm telling you because I want you to step away and live your life. I'm stuck and you're not. This isn't your place to stay."

"I want to stay. I want you to live for God's sakes, Kate. What about your father?" Rick knows about Kate's father and that he was an alcoholic due to her mother's death. She told him about the whole thing, the case and why she became homicide detective a month ago.

"This is about me." She speaks, pointing a finger at her sternum. "I'm the one who makes choices."

"Yes, but those choices you make will affect the people around you."

"Look, I said what I needed to say. There's no point in arguing." This time, she successfully stands up from the couch and heads somewhere, but Rick once again stops her by catching her elbow, turning her around.

"Kate, please…"

"No, Rick, -" She pulls her arm away from his grasp, gently.

"Tell me why. Besides the fact it's expensive - is there any other reason? At least explain to me, you owe me that much."

Kate breathes heavily through her nostrils and hangs her head down, hiding behind the layer of hair. "There's no point in going through all of that. I might never be able to see again; do you know how that makes me feel? Yes, I do stuff like cooking, cleaning and choosing the right pair of jeans, but that's not enough. I'm not _me_ anymore, I haven't been for the past year."

These two months with her, he thought that she's getting better, but it turns out he'd been wrong the whole time. She was doing yoga, she ice-skated with him, they even danced together. He thought that he was helping her to prove herself that she's still capable of having fun.

"I can help you, we can do stuff together. Just like we did the past two months." Rick suggests with a hint of pleading in his voice, feeling his lungs tightening when she shakes her head again.

"It's not only that. I had a life, a job… My main life goal was to solve my mother's case and I failed. I can't do what I wanted most and it's making me feel so pathetically useless. Besides, Rick, you don't want that. Nobody wants to deal with someone else's life and problems, it's not your responsibility to do so."

He understands how hard it must be for her to change her life routines so drastically. Running after criminals, chasing reckless drivers, putting killers behind bars and then _boom_ – not even capable of going outside on her own. But somewhere deep down inside he had that little spark of hope that was telling him he could change her life somehow.

"But I want to, I'd give away all of my free time just to spend it with you."

"Rick," She sighs, rubbing at her forehead in frustration. "You're a writer, you have a job. Go chase your dreams and live your life, don't spend it babysitting me. I can take care of myself."

"Apparently, you can't if you don't want to get treatment." He states, stepping closer to her and speaking again before she could open her mouth to say something. "Besides, if you must know I'm basing my next book on you. Yes, it's based on you. Why? Because you're inspiring and so many other things that could fill hundreds of books and postcards."

They stay in silence, the only sounds are the ticking of a clock and birds far in the distance. There's a hint of shock plastered over her face, her mouth opening without making any sound and then closing.

He moves closer to her, the sound of the tiny creak of a floorboard beneath his weight. His face is inches from hers, observing the way her unfocused hazel eyes are trembling with something close to disbelief. "Kate,"

She's trying to step away, but he places a gentle hand against her cheek to keep her there.

"Kate, please." He whispers with a hint of hurt in his voice, feeling her suck in a shaky breath.

"Don't do that. Not now." Her sweaty hands lift to slide them against his chest, trying to push him away gently, but he's not budging even an inch.

"Don't do what?" Rick asks, their proximity is so big that their noses almost touch, Kate feels the thrumming of his heart against her palm which is still positioned against his sternum.

"You promised." Her voice hitches at the end, still trying to push him away, but he looks down to find her hand and wrap her soft wrist in his fingers to make sure she's not going to escape.

"I never said that I keep promises." He mumbles, stroking her clenched jaw and the shock that runs through her veins, caused by his touch almost makes her flinch.

"You don't want that."

"I know pretty well what I _want_." He speaks as his eyes pause at her separated lips, his hand following the line of her neck, brushing against her throat and feeling the goosebumps rise upon her skin.

"Rick, you can't," She shakes her head wearily, but he's already leaning in and attaching his lips against hers.

Kate is so startled; she doesn't know what to do. She didn't expect that and – _shit_ , his mouth is working over hers so desperately and passionately mixed with a hint of pleading that makes her knees go weak at the perfect sensation. Her mouth opens beneath his, allowing him to taste more of her, gasping when his teeth nibble slightly onto her bottom lip, therefore moving to her upper lip.

She lets out a little whimpering sound, his shirt grasped in her trembling fist, kissing him back with her eyes closed shut. Even if she opens them, she can't see him, she can't take a glimpse of his face that is so close to hers. However, she focuses on savoring the sensation of their kiss, the sensation of his tongue sliding inside of her mouth with stroking motions.

"Please," He mumbles in between kisses, stroking the skin beneath her eye. He's repeating the words over and over against her lips, wishing she could just agree with him and accept his offer, but instead she just pulls away from him, their lips separating with a pop. Kate takes her hand away from his chest, feeling the blush creep up into her cheeks and neck.

"I'm sorry, I can't." She whispers, her voice shaky and then all he knows is that she's turning around to escape from him.

* * *

Rick steps out onto the porch, wishing he could just take his car and leave, but he can't. He can't leave her alone, knowing that she might need his help. Instead, he decides to sit on the wooden chair and breathe in some fresh air.

He startles when the phone in his pocket starts to buzz, not expecting it. While he takes out his phone he remembers that Kate told him that there is no coverage in the cabin. Then how did he contact her father when she passed out? How was someone calling him right now?

 _Did she lie to him about this too?_

He decides to push away these thoughts for later and swipe his finger against the screen to answer.

"Hello?"

"Rick, it's me, Jim." Her father speaks through the phone, a hint of worry in his voice. "Any news about Katie, is she feeling any better?"

"Oh, hello, Jim. Yes, she seems to be better."

"Ah, sorry to bother you, I just got really worried," Jim says guiltily.

"It's not a problem," Rick replies softly, regretting that he didn't get a jacket or something to cover himself with. It's damn freezing out here.

"I really got worried, I wanted to come right away to the cabin, but there's no way I could leave work right now if you understand me."

He knows that being lawyer is not an easy job, so he doesn't blame the man.

"I completely understand you, sir."

There's a long pause on the phone and then he hears Jim sighing on the other side in what seems to be a way of collecting his thoughts. "Listen, son, I need to tell you something about Katie and she doesn't need to know that I told you, because-"

"I already know." Rick cuts him off, transferring the phone in his other hand to stuff the one that held it into his sweatshirt pocket. "We talked about it just a few minutes ago."

"You know?" Jim asks in disbelief.

"Yes. She has a tumor." The words are heavy on his tongue, feeling the urge to go back inside and hug her.

"I really don't know what to do, Rick. She doesn't want to remove this thing from herself and if this continues any longer it will be too late." Her father's distraught voice echoes through the phone.

"When is she supposed to start getting treatment?" He keeps his voice low so Kate wouldn't overhear him speaking with her father.

"I'm afraid that by the end of the month at least the surgery has to be done."

Rick pulls away the iPhone from his ear to look at the date, his heart clenching at the sight. "So we have one week to change her mind?"

"I've already tried. I tried so many times to get her to do it, but she's always declining and changing the topic. The past month it feels like she's not the same Katie anymore, something has changed. She won't listen to me, but she might listen to you." Jim replies, a fumbling sound in the background with a male voice telling him something. "Rick, I have to go to the court. I'll call you later."

"Okay, I'll do my best Jim, don't worry."

" _'Thank you'_ wouldn't be enough, son."

* * *

 **TBC**

 **Thank you for the sweet reviews!**


	11. Chapter 11

"If I could take your hand If you could understand

That I can barely breath the air is thin

I fear the fall and where we'll land."

Tamer - Beautiful Crime

* * *

After speaking with Jim on the phone, he doesn't know what to do or where to go. Inside of the cabin is an option, yes, but things are really difficult between him and Kate at the moment. His final decision is to give her some space and take a little tour around the small city that's not too far from the cabin.

It fills him up with waves of anxiety when he leaves her alone, but somehow he knows that she'll be okay for a couple of hours.

He drives his car through the forest, following the road signs that lead him to the city. While staring at the snowy road ahead of him, he can't help but let his mind flash back to the moment they had in the living room earlier, the feeling of her soft lips under his. His heart rate picks up, his breath hitches at the thought, making his palms sweat around the steering wheel.

The prints of her palm against the fabric of his shirt are still there, reminding him that she pushed him away with a faint _'I'm sorry. I can't.'_. His brows furrow at the memory, trying to take over the whole information he got for the past twenty-four hours. The whole time she had this damn thing in her head and he didn't know. He had no fucking idea that things are much more complicated and worse.

There's this big feeling of sorrow that's stuck inside him, filling the spaces in his chest. The entire time he thought that she's getting better, but the tables turned unexpectedly and the fact that she's refusing to get treatment is making the situation even harder to comprehend.

He's unsure where they're going, where they've been. He doesn't know up or down. He's just trying to get her through this, but they're stumped on one thing and at the moment he's starting to wonder if they'll ever figure it out. Her whole life is peaking on this and if Rick failed, he will never forgive himself for not trying harder.

So instead of busying his head with thoughts, he focuses on where he's going right now and creates a small plan in his head. He promised her father that he'll do his best. He lied to Kate earlier about not keeping promises, because he surely does.

On his way to the city, Rick notices a couple of bookstores that struck him with the idea to get something for Kate.

* * *

Pushing the spare key that she gave him yesterday, he unlocks the door gently without making a cracking sound. He steps into the warm space, and when he walks into the kitchen, Rick is met with the sight of Kate sitting next to the counter with her hands holding onto her hanging head.

She lifts up her head when she hears someone entering the area, sorrow and grief painted across her beautiful face.

"Hey, it's me." He speaks, ensuring her that it's not someone else. Rick walks towards the counter to place the bags onto it, rubbing his frozen hands to warm them up.

"I thought you left." It escapes her mouth before she could even consider not saying it, her voice somewhat low and grief-stricken. He shifts his gaze down to her, watching as her eyes are somewhere in the empty space in the kitchen. Her eyelashes are darker and wet, which helps him notice that there are traces of tears on her cheeks as well.

He leaves the bags and goes towards her instead, his brows furrowing in concern. The questions 'Have you been crying? Are you okay?' are on the tip of his tongue, but he changes tactics and moves to fumble through the bags instead.

"Nope, you won't get rid of me that easily." He finds what he has been searching for, taking it out and placing it next to her elbow. "I wanted to see what's like around and I saw a couple of interesting places, and I-uh, I found something that I think you'd like."

Her forehead crinkles in confusion, a glint of surprise filling her irises. He nudges the big rectangular object in her hand and she cautiously takes it in her palms, examining it with her fingertips.

"What's this?" She asks while Rick's eyes are sparkling with excitement.

"I bought thirty postcards." He props his chin on his hand, watching at her puzzled expression with amusement.

"Why?" She tries to suppress her giggling, but ends up bursting into loud laughter, causing Rick's lips to curve into a big smile. There's a tiny pride filling the dark spots in his sternum.

"Because now only sixty-seven cards left." He shrugs as if it's obvious, observing as she gently removes the elastics that secured the postcards to stay together. "Oh, and these are not just postcards. Each of them has a thoughtful quote on them. You can read them whenever you need something to encourage you."

She's standing there with an unreadable expression, her eyes glittering with astonishment and confusion. "Rick, that's very sweet, but you know that I can't read this, right?"

"Actually," He holds up a finger, taking one postcard to open it and place it on the surface of the counter. "You can. Here, let me show you how."

One of his hands, catches hers in the cradle of his, startling her slightly. Kate doesn't pull her hand away when he lifts it towards the open card, nudging the tip of her index finger against the white paper that has bumps on it.

"Do you feel that?" He continues to stroke her finger against the bumps, looking up to notice something close to realization showing on her face.

"Yeah." She nods, her eyes blinking rapidly.

"Now, try to figure out what the postcard says. C'mon, I'll help you." He speaks gently and leaves her hand, watching as she accepts the challenge, tracing the bumps on her own.

It takes her some time to comprehend and examine it, her eyebrows scrunched in concentration the whole time.

"Difficult roads…" She traces with the tip of her finger and he gives her time to figure it out. "Is this the word 'often'?"

"Yeah, you're doing really well." He's really surprised that she's doing it so fast and correct for the first time.

"I have experience of figuring out my clothes color by the letters attached to them." She admits, smiling widely.

"You really do have a lot of experience." He hums.

"Difficult roads often lead to," She pauses, the next word taking her some more time to figure out what it is. Rick stays patiently next to her, trying to not give her any hints. "Awful destinations?"

Rick chuckles and shakes his head, correcting her. "Beautiful destinations."

"I know; I did that on purpose." She giggles. "So the whole thing is 'Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations'. Very wise."

"I know it's a little too cliché, but I thought it might be-"

"Hey, no – it's perfect." Kate cuts him off, amusement and pride swimming in her hazel eyes. "That's really sweet of you, I've never received a gift like that before. Thank you."

"I'm glad and honored to be the first." He wiggles his eyebrows, while she chuckles sweetly. He realizes that he's staring at her beautiful smile, wishing he could press his lips there, so he quickly pushes these thoughts away and goes towards the shopping bags. "I, uh, I also bought some Chinese and ice-cream. Do you want some?"

Her stomach makes a growling sound before she could answer and Rick laughs while she tries to not blush.

* * *

That night she crawls into her bed after exchanging 'Good night' with Rick and opens the rest of the postcards with a permanent grin plastered over her face, feeling them instead of reading them.

* * *

 **TBC**


	12. Chapter 12

**This chapter will be rated 'M', please skip it if you don't feel comfortable with reading it. Enjoy!**

* * *

She wakes up covered in sweat and with tears clinging to the back of her eyes, images of the dream flashing through her mind all at once. Her breathing is heavy, her heart thumping against the cage of her ribs.

When she starts to become more conscious and find the differences between dreaming and reality, Kate realizes that her hand is gripping tightly onto the bedsheet. She releases her grip on the sheets while trying to hold back from letting the tears escape. She fails at keeping it, her body frame shaking due to her silent whimpering and sobbing.

Her dream is so vivid in her mind, the images of her alive mother in their old apartment back in New York, causing her heart to clench by the terrible feeling of absence and failure. She dreamt that everything is what it used to be like before. Everything was normal, her life was simple and she had the ability to see, to speak to her alive mother and see what outfits people were wearing, their hand gestures while talking. Every single detail is so vivid in her mind, making her shudder and shake even more.

She misses being happy, being independent. When she was little she had goals, dreams about following her parent's career and becoming a lawyer, dreams about having a big family. But none of that would happen now, she lost everything. Without her vision, she couldn't continue to be Detective Beckett and she couldn't solve her mother's murder, which became main part and a goal in her life. The only thing that kept her going is now left behind and never coming back.

She rolls in the middle of her bed onto her stomach, pushing herself on her knees to bury her face in the mattress and hide the ugly sounds of sorrow that escape her mouth. Within those few heavy breaths, she took, her grief and misery turned into anger. Her fingers curve into tight fists when she curses between sobs, gripping at her hair tightly, trying to tear off everything in her mind.

" _Fuck!_ " Kate curses aloud, her right hand releasing the grasp of hair and moving to her temple. She feels a slight jolt followed by a slowly building headache as her balled fist makes contact with her head. It feels like blood vessels burst into her head with each hit – she doesn't even notice when two arms wrap around her shoulders, a voice saying something to her.

"Kate, stop!" He yells at her as she continues to smash her useless head, but at some point, her hands become weary and limp under his grip and he climbs closer to her on the bed. "Kate, what the hell are you doing?"

Her messy hair is slumped in front of her face, covering it, her hands are shaking beneath his as she's still silently whimpering. " _Kate,_ "

"Leave me alone." Kate rasps, attempting to yank her hands away from his grip.

"No, you're hurting yourself," Rick says with determination, his hands releasing her tight fists to move them on her elbows and brush away the hair on her face.

"Rick, please, go away." She tries to push him away, her voice trembling and hoarse.

"Tell me what happened." He feels the tense muscles of her arms beneath his fingers, his heart beating painfully hard against his ribs at the sight of her punching her own head, looking completely beaten by life.

"What didn't happen?" Kate asks as she shakes her head, her body frame slumped in defeat.

"Hey," Rick whispers, lifting a cautious hand to stroke the crown of her head gently. His touch is so soft and calm it makes her fists relax for a second, her loud thudding heart, decreasing the intensity by which it deafened her ears, her trembling fingers slowly giving into the silence of the hopeless eyes emptying its last drops of emotions down her cheeks. "It's going to be okay. I promise you, Kate."

"How do you know that? It's unfixable, it's -," Her shoulder sag in disappointment from the reality, not even finding enough words to continue whatever sentence she starts.

"It's fixable, Kate. Please believe me, let me show you how amazing it could be."

She tries to believe him for a second, but then the blurriness clouding her vision reminds her why all of this is happening in a first place and the reason behind it.

"It's not that easy. I'm not the person who I was before."

"Kate,"

"I've already tried to get better, believe me, I tried. I started going out with you, because you make me feel different and I'm forever grateful for this Rick, but it doesn't change a thing. I'm still blind, I'm still stuck at the same place I was before I met you. It's not changing." She tries to suppress her grief in front of him, but she ends up bursting into tears once again.

He's trying not to get hurt by the fact that he hasn't changed a thing about the way she felt, but immediately pushes it away when she's looking completely devastated by the circumstances. He tries to not lose that sparkle of hope that's still alight in his mind.

"You're the greatest man I've ever had the honor to be friend with, but it's not your place to stay. It's not your responsibility to help a woman with that kind of lifestyle and disability. You're supposed to search for someone who'd make you happy, Rick."

"You make me happy." He replies, his voice steady and determinate.

"You should go, I'm not saying right now because it's night, but first thing in the morning-"

"Are you even listening to me?" He cuts her off, shifting his palms atop her shoulders in order to make her listen to the words he's about to say. "I'm not leaving you, okay? Unless you really want me to. I don't care about the fact that you lost your sight, it doesn't make you less extraordinary and beautiful to me. In fact, I'm really attracted to you."

Kate scoffs at his compliment, shaking her head at him.

"What? You don't believe what I'm saying?" His face transforms into a big frown at her scoff, watching as she brushes a few tears that slid down to her chin with her sleeve.

"Rick, no man wants this." She gestures at her own self and he catches her gesturing hand in his to stop her, bringing it down in his lap to stroke her knuckles with his thumb.

"You can't decide what I want," Rick states, observing as her brow furrows in disagreement.

"Look, I appreciate your effort and the fact that you're trying to make me feel better about myself, but it's – it doesn't work that way."

"You're kidding, right?" He huffs and this time it's his turn to shake his head at her. "Since the first time we have met each other I'm looking forward to seeing you each day. I have never been so intrigued by another woman before and yeah, I'm probably scaring you with what I'm saying right now, but it's the truth. I like you, _a lot_."

See, that's what she was afraid of when they first met. She didn't want them to grow feelings for each other because she knew it would make things even harder. It would ruin their friendship because she'll probably say something wrong and hurt him. It's always her that is bad at communicating and saying what's on her mind.

He promised that his intentions are completely clear and friend-termly in the beginning and that's what led her to think that maybe they could be just friends. Nothing more.

How did they even get here?

"I can't do this right now." She takes a deep breath, pushing herself away from his proximity on the bed, trying to escape from the haunting thoughts about the fact that she's probably having the same feelings for him as well, which is totally unacceptable because it'll probably won't work.

"Wait, Kate, - "He catches her by the elbow, kneeling on the edge of the bed next to her.

"It doesn't matter what we feel towards each other because we aren't meant to be, we'll never work."

"Why would you even say that?" She's standing up from the bed, heading towards the door, but he stops her by blocking the exit of her bedroom with his body.

He knows he's probably crossing the line, but there's no other way he could make her listen to him.

"Rick, let me out!" She's starting to get irritated now, which is not good, but he knows that if he leaves things like that they'll pretend as if this conversation never existed and move on. He doesn't want that; he wants the truth. He wants to know whether she feels the same way about him or not.

"Why did you say we aren't meant to be?"

"I just know. Now let me go out,"

"I will, but first I'm going to do this."

"Rick I'm not – _Hmmph!_ " He eliminates the single step of distance between them, closing the space between them to take her face in his hands as his mouth slides over her parted lips, earning a gasp of surprise from her. When she doesn't push him away, he allows himself to continue devouring her mouth, exploring and savoring the sensation that he fantasized about.

Her whole body relaxes into him, and although she's stubborn as hell, she doesn't allow herself to even think about stopping this. It doesn't cross her mind. The only thing she can focus is the way his big arms tighten around her waist, earning a high-pitched sigh from her at the sudden motion. Their bodies have never been so close before, her chest brushing against his sternum, and their hips almost clashing.

She allows her trembling fingers to slide through his silky hair, thick and soft against her fingertips, traveling down to his nape. He swallows hard, his heart swelling up when one of her hands leaves his neck to travel to his face, tracing the line of his jaw. It's like she's examining his face, stroking and learning more about him.

"Your hair is so soft." She whispers between kisses, earning a little laugh from him. Her mouth is hot and wet under his and the kiss drastically goes from slow and tentative to frantic as his tongue slips into her mouth, tasting her and – _oh_ , he's now the one whimpering when she takes control over the kiss by sucking his bottom lip into her mouth.

"God, Kate." He turns his head to travel his mouth down to her jaw, peppering her neck with little kisses, earning a soft moan from her which causes her whole face to flush with embarrassment at her obvious eagerness. Rick curves his large hands on her ass, securing her body firmly against his as he lifts her off the ground. She lets out a soft ' _oh_ ' and locks her arms around his neck, her legs wrapped around his waist, but then – she realizes where this is going and pulls away from his mouth.

"We should stop."

"What, why?" He scrunches his brows in confusion, still having her in his arms. She turns her head away from him in what seems to be an embarrassment, her cheeks flushed and her breathing still uncontrolled by the make-out session they just had. "What's wrong?"

"I don't think it's a good idea." She murmurs, her voice somewhat cautious and unsure.

"By the look on your face, I can tell there's something more to it," Rick says softly, lifting his head to kiss her on the cheek gently. "Tell me what's wrong."

She wants to do this, she really does, but there's some part of her that worries about the consequences. This would cross all the lines and borders that they have tried to not break all this time and there's no going back. What if Rick regrets it afterwards? She knows him better than this and she doubts he's just going to take advantage of her, but she can't help ask herself 'what if'.

"Are you sure… you want to do this?" Her question catches him off guard, his eyebrows gather in confusion.

"Of course. Are you?" He bumps his nose with hers in little Eskimo kisses, earning a slow nod from Kate.

He takes her tiny nod as a sign of silent agreement between them and lowers his mouth down to hers, the vibration of her moan already surging through his body as she opens for him, lets him sip from her lips and tongue. She stops trying to control the maddening need in her hips, allowing them to grind against his while he tries to walk them both in the direction of her bed without stumbling.

He nears the edge of her bed, separating his lips from hers to take a moment and look at her flushed cheeks and still wet eyelashes from earlier. He curves his hands at the back of her thighs and carefully lowers her down onto the mattress, balancing himself on top of her. His hands travel down her sides, causing her breath to hitch while his fingers drift across her lower abdomen and make a stop at the waistband of her sweatpants. Rick lowers his mouth to the sweet skin of her neck and collarbones, peppering them with soft kisses while cautiously tugging her bottoms down to her ankles, throwing them on the floor.

"Is this okay?"

"Yeah." She nods, her face tucked into the column of his neck, gripping on his shirt with her hands urging him to take it off, so he does.

He descends down to meet her mouth again while one of her legs lifts high around his hip, grinding into the cradle of his hips. He breathes heavily against the sharp angle of her jaw, rocking into her, his bulge creating the perfect friction through their clothes. _Shit_ , - he's not even naked and he's already so close to bursting.

"Rick," she breathes, dropping her head back against the soft pillows as his one hand drifts across her body to settle beneath the curve of her breast, moving up to palm the mound of it through the fabric of her shirt, gently massaging it. "I'm not sure if I can – I've never done this without seeing."

His head lifts from the cradle of her neck, staring down at the woman beneath him that has a nervous expression painted across her face.

"Hey," he whispers, taking her hand in his while lifting it up towards his sternum, allowing her to examine the skin of his chest with her fingers. "We're together in this. Just relax and let me do all the work, okay?"

Her teeth graze over her bottom lip nervously, nodding her head at him in agreement. His heart swells up in admiration at the woman who's underneath him, her chest expanding in deep breaths. He slides one of his hands beneath her over-sized shirt, feeling the muscles of her abdomen ripple under his fingertips, stripping her of the fabric and admiring the way her bra cups her breasts.

Her nails stab the skin of his chest slightly when he lowers his mouth to her one breast, causing goosebumps to form onto her soft skin. Her abdominals jump at the graze of his index finger at the waistband of her underwear, his mouth dusting along the slope of her breast, causing her back to arch.

He manages to snag the fabric of her underwear, dragging the elastic waistband down the long lines of her perfect legs and his breath hitches at the sight of her gloriously naked beneath him.

"You're so beautiful, Kate." He lowers his mouth to her ear, his raspy voice causing her to shiver.

Her heart begins to beat rapidly against the cage of her ribs when his hand touches her skin, his palm sweeping up the line of her leg, pushing gently, urging her to part her hips. She parts for him cautiously, her knees falling open and her arms spreading on each side of her head. It's his cue to lower his head to her abdomen, following the lines to her thighs, showering her soft skin with kisses. He looks up at her face as he drags his mouth over the inside of her thigh, hearing her breath hitch at the motion.

"Rick, what are you doing?" She asks, her arms reaching out for him, her hands finding nothing but air that surrounds the room.

" _Relax_ , Kate." Slowly, he lowers himself to his knees in front of her, dipping down and dragging his nose over the hard ridge of her pubic bone. Her abdomen clenches as he slides his tongue against her briefly, her eyelashes fluttering and her lips parting on loud moan.

Her hands fly towards his head, fingers slipping and tripping over the rolling terrain of his scalp, her hips rocking desperately into his mouth. He glides his tongue over her, flicking a rough circle and swipes around her clit. She cups her fingers around his ears and pulls gently, riding his mouth.

" _Fuck_ \- Rick," she gasps, her head tipping back, heels digging into the mattress beneath her. After a while she feels like she's going to burst at any second, so she urges him away from her center, coaxing him with the tug of her hands. "Come back here."

He glides his tongue over her throbbing heat for one last time eliciting a dirty moan from her mouth, causing her cheeks to flush from embarrassment at the loud noise that she had just made. He obeys to her request, kissing a path up her abdomen, over her lovely breasts and peppering at the column of her neck. Meanwhile, her hands travel a path down to the waistband of his sweatpants, nudging them off past his hipbones.

He helps her get them past his hips, down to his ankles along with his boxers and comes back to her, watching as she's already removing her bra, throwing it sideways onto the bedspread.

"Gorgeous," he whispers as he darts his eyes from her breasts to her blushing face, his hand stroking the places on her scalp where she hit herself earlier. She lifts her one foot, bringing it up to his hip bone and nudging him slightly onto his chest with her hand in order to make him lay down on his back, straddling his hips.

"I want to touch you," she whispers, her palms spreading over his sternum down to his abdomen, feeling the muscles tensing beneath her touch. "To learn the curves of your body."

"Kate," he chokes, no longer capable of keeping himself from thrusting his hips upwards. "Protection?"

"Right," She scrunches her eyebrows together in wonder, and – _oh_ , actually, she might have some condoms left around here. "I think there's some in one of the nightstands."

He nods, extending his hand towards the nightstand and opening the drawers without leaving the warmth of Kate's body above him. It's dark in the room and it's a little hard for him to tell which object is supposed to be – but then he actually grabs something that must be it. Holding up the little package between them, he lifts it towards the light radiating from the moon through her windows, recognizing the logo.

"I found it." He announces and Kate's lips curve into a sweet smile. He wastes no time ripping the condom from the little package, lifting his hips slightly to wrap the latex around his shaft.

Kate balances her hands on his chest, lifting herself up to guide him in slowly, surrounding him in the tight heat of her body, feeling his hard shaft sinking deeper inside. Her brows furrow in concentration as she rises slowly and then falls into the cradle of his hips, both of them moaning loudly.

She grinds down hard around him, twisting while his hand grips onto the sheets and his other hand holds onto the curve of her perfectly shaped butt. He opens his eyes to find her head angled towards him, her eyes very close to finding his. His heart clenches at the sight, observing as she stabs her bottom lip with her teeth, rising and falling above him. Her one hand leaves its place on his chest and drifts forwards to the lines of his neck, finding his jaw and then stroking the slope of his nose with the tips of her fingers. She brushes her thumb against his lips, examining the curves of it and lowering her upper body down, her breasts brushing against his sternum as she kisses him on the mouth.

Rick is so deep, hitting a part of her that has her grunting and hiding her face into the curve of his shoulder to muffle her loud moans. He's guiding her body in closer with the press of his palm against her spine, causing her to shift her hips faster against his.

"Rick." She chokes on a sob at the perfect pressure, her body bowing over him while he withdraws almost completely and then plunges back in, thrusting sensually.

"Let go," he breathes against her ear, kissing her on the cheek.

"You with me?" She asks in a high-pitched tone and when he nods against her shoulder, she allows herself to shatter apart and collapse against him, listening as Rick finds his own release and groans her name.

They stay for a while like this, wrapped around each other, feeling their heartbeats thumping rapidly against their chests. He peels his eyes open, and Kate tilts her head back up to be able to angle her eyes towards him. Kate feels his naked body beneath hers and brings her fingers back to his face to stroke the skin of his eyelids.

"I wish, - I wish I could see your face, Rick, but the only thing I see is your shape." Even the shape of his head is not that visible, but the faint light of the moon that's radiating small part of the room is helping her figure out at least where his head must be.

* * *

 **TBC**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N:** Sorry for the delay.

* * *

His mind is fuzzy; the last remnants of a dream being chased away by the realization that he's awake again. It was a nice dream, wait… it was not a dream – he allows his brain to focus and cautiously open one eye. The bright spring sunlight cuts the room in half and I see dust motes dancing on the wall of light. He extends his hand towards the bedspread, towards Kate's side of the bed, his hand finding nothing but cold sheets and empty space. It has his both eyes wide open, any trace of sleepiness is now gone.

After a few seconds, he manages to stand up from the bed and dress, meanwhile trying to not over-think it and just react calmly without jumping into conclusions. _Just find Kate and make sure everything's fine, that's all._ Although it's not that easy to control his negative mind given many reasons, for example, Kate has a bad habit to hide and run away from her problems, instead of facing and talking about them.

When he steps into the space of the kitchen, his heart rate slows down when he sees sitting on the stools next to the counter, stirring her coffee with a spoon. She's dressed in sweater and a pair of jeans, gray woolen socks on her feet. Rick makes his way towards her, his feet bare without making a sound and cautiously wraps his naked arms around her from behind. Kate startles at the unexpected touch, her body tensing abruptly and her breath hitching.

"It's me," he whispers reassuringly next to her ear, watching as goose bumps rise onto her cold skin when he kisses the pulse point on the neck.

"You scared me, Rick." A small, nervous laugh escapes her mouth as her small body frame is being wrapped around the warmth that radiates from his chest and arms.

"Why are you up so early?" Rick asks, nudging his nose against the back of her hair, inhaling the scent of sweet perfume. Not as _sweet_ as her, though – did he just think that?

"I don't know, I just craved for some morning coffee I guess. I thought about a couple of things… Actually, I – wanted to ask you something." She turns in his arms, twisting in the stool to be able to talk to him, his hands falling away from her body, hanging loosely at his sides.

"Are you okay?" He instantly asks, panicking and she assures him by nodding her head.

"I'm fine. I just – I wanted to ask if you'd like to drive me back to the city if you don't mind. Otherwise, I can ask my dad-"

"Of course. You want to go today?"

"Yeah." She bobs her head, her teeth grazing her bottom lip thoughtfully. "Thank you."

He replies with "you're welcome", and he really doesn't mind driving her back to the city, but for some reason, there's a knot forming in his chest. Something about this morning and how things are proceeding makes him think that she might be regretting what happened last night. The worse thing is that if she pushes him away for that then it'll be much harder to convince her to get treatment.

* * *

During the ride to the city, he's indeed over thinking and worrying, but he couldn't stop himself from thinking that if they got back in New York and not-stay-together in the cabin, she'll stop calling him and run away from him. He doesn't want to push her into something that she doesn't want, he was the one who kissed her first after all, he's responsible for whatever comes after this. On the other hand, he can't let her go, he doesn't want to lose her and let her miss the deadline of surgery and treatment. Rick has a mission and he'll regret it forever if he doesn't make her change her mind about this.

"Can we talk?" He turns the volume of the radio down, looking towards the wet road ahead of him and snow that falls onto the front window of his vehicle.

"Yeah, what's up?" She turns to him, her head propped against the hand that is resting against the window.

"Do you regret what happened last night?" He decides to go straight to the point without circling around it, feeling his hands sweat beneath the steering wheel. "I mean, - it's okay if you do. I just want to know where we stand."

Rick hears her breath hitching beside him, turning to look at her as her fingers fumble around her seat belt nervously.

"I don't regret it." She replies and he blinks in surprise, his eyebrows gathering in confusion.

"Then why does it feel like something's bothering you? You're acting differently and I can't help but think you're trying to – I don't know… escape from this?" He waves his hand between them even though he knows she can't see the gesture.

"What are you talking about? I'm not acting differently." Kate says and he shakes his head. "What about you, do you regret it?"

"What, no – do I look like I regret it, Kate?" He asks, his brows furrowing in misperception and a hint of anger. _Did she really ask him that?_ "You were the one that left the bed, not me."

"What is this about, Rick? Are you scared that you're being revealed?" She scoffs, shaking her head and chewing harder on the gum inside of her mouth, the muscles of her jaw clenching. Rick abruptly hits the brakes in the middle of the road, making both of them jolt slightly forwards, earning a gasp from Kate next to him. Well, he didn't mean to stop that abruptly…

"Rick, what the-"

"Revealed about what?" He grips hard on the steering wheel, turning his head to stare at her.

"Spit it out, Rick. I know what you're trying to do here." Her arms cross across her chest, biting the inside of her cheek in what seems to be built up anger.

"You don't make sense; I don't understand what you're trying to say."

"Let's just – can you please start the car and drive me back to the city? That's all I'm asking for." She breathes in, shutting her eyes closed to gather her thoughts and calm the burning sensation in her throat.

"The city, that's what I'm talking about, Kate." He sighs, swallowing hard. This conversation isn't going where he hoped it would, he needs to fix it. "No matter how much I try to get close to you, know more about you, learn about what's frustrating you, what's making you happy you're always pushing me away. I can't keep up that way. I can't be calm and relaxed when I know that we're going to go back to the city and I might never hear from you again."

"Rick, we both live in New York. In fact, we met there in case you don't remember."

"It's not that." He shakes his head thoughtfully, looking sorrowfully towards the woman next to him. "What happens when the deadline for the surgery passes, Kate?"

Blood pounds in the back of her head, she can feel the trembling. Her nails are scratching the fabric of the seat belt. "That's what I was trying to say, Rick. You slept with me just to make me do that surgery, I'm not dumb-"

"Are you _insane_?" He huffs, his eyes almost bulging out of his head. "Do you really think that low of me, do you - wow, Kate, I can't even comprehend this. The whole time I'm trying to show you that I have _strong_ feelings for you, or wait, excuse me - is what I'm doing not enough?"

Kate's silent next to him, her jaw clenching hard, hands gripping onto the fabric of her jeans. He closes his eyes in frustration, running a hand through his hair.

"I slept with you because I wanted _you_. I want more of you, Kate. All of you and I'm sorry to say that – but sometimes I can't help but regret that I met you." There are tears prickling at the back of his eyes, refusing to fall, watching as a hint of hurt washes over her face. "I've gotten so used to being with you, I look forward to seeing you each day and if – _something_ happens, I'll hate myself forever for not trying harder to make you get that _damn_ treatment."

She hears the sorrowfulness and torment in his voice, her face forming into a big frown at the fact that he values and wants her so much that he'd regret not making her get treated for the rest of his life.

It will ruin him and it's all her fault.

"You're slipping from my fingers, Kate and I feel like can't do anything. Do you know how that makes me feel?" He swallows the lump that has formed in his throat and watches in the mirror to see if there are any cars coming towards them. When he sees that there aren't any he turns the car into motion and continues to drive in silence.

She hasn't thought about any of that, she had no idea that she had hurt him so much this entire time. Kate practically used him by luring him into her life for entertainment and company. Well, it wasn't like she had no strong feelings for him, she _did_ , but she was so obsessed with her stubbornness that she didn't notice how hurt he is.

"I'm sorry for being so stupidly selfish that I didn't think about the consequences." She speaks and then they drive the rest of the way to the city in silence. He parks the vehicle at her building and guides her through the lobby and elevator towards her apartment. They meet with Jim in the hallway, trying to pretend that everything's fine. After exchanging greetings with her father, Rick mumbles 'Goodbye' and turns around to leave and Kate calls out for his name, but he doesn't turn around.

Sorry isn't enough to fix any of this and they both know it.

* * *

 **TBC**


	14. Chapter 14

Kate calls out for his name, but the only response that she gets is the echo sound of Rick's footsteps down the stairs, leaving her with the deep emotion of guilt and regret that she didn't fix it when she could. A very sad emotion creeps into her body, it feels like her heart is sagging down into an empty pit of darkens. It feels like this was the last time she had to get the chance to talk to him, and she missed that opportunity. The remorse of failure is very strong right now.

Her father notices very quickly what must be going on between them, so he places a comforting hand on her shoulder and opens the loft door to guide her inside. As they step into the space of the living room there are already tears streaming onto her pale cheeks, trying to control her breathing in front of her father. She wants to keep it cool in front of him, she doesn't want him to see her like that, but it's too hard to keep these buried emotions hidden for so long.

Without saying a word her father gathers her frail body in his arms, his embrace is warm, filled with reassurance and father's love that makes it even harder for her to suppress the vulnerability that bursts through her unstoppable tears. She buries her face against her hands, which are propped against her father's chest, her shoulders shaking in misery.

"How did I mess this up so badly, Dad?" She asks, her voice shaky and hoarse. "Not only I messed up my friendship – or _whatever_ I had with Rick, but everything, my life. I don't even know what to say anymore."

"Shh, Katie you didn't mess up. I'm pretty sure whatever happened between you two, you'll eventually figure it out. It's how relationships sometimes work-"

"We're not in a relationship." Kate groans, pulling herself away from her father's embrace to pace around the space of the living room and run a shaky hand through her messy hair.

"May I ask why?" Jim asks, trying to suppress a sweet smile at his daughter's love-struck breakdown.

"Because I messed it up. I've been so selfish the entire time, I – I placed my stubbornness over Rick's feelings and he," She tightens her fingers around the roots of her hair, gripping slightly, sniffling and swallowing the painful lump that has formed in her throat. "He said that he regrets meeting me, I messed up this so badly that I made him say that and he's completely right. I make people's lives miserable."

"No, Katie you don't make people's lives miserable. You're just going through a hard time and – it's completely normal to make mistakes, it's not like they are unfixable."

"I felt so inadequate before I met him and when he walked into my life I couldn't stop myself from wanting more… and more of his presence, more of his silly jokes – I've never felt so good with someone else, before losing my eyesight and after that." At some point Kate stops talking and just stares into the blurriness in her eyes, remembering their moments together.

They might know each other for like two or three months, but these were one of the greatest moments of her life and even without the capability to see and witness them with her eyes, she felt what actual and sincere happiness is. She remembers about their moments in the cabin, the tree house and how they fell into the dirty puddle, the postcards that he bought her and she traced them with her fingers till her eyelids were closing in need of sleep. Their first kiss, how his lips felt on hers for the first time, the way his silky hair felt under her fingertips and all those moments that they had together and she didn't have the courage to value.

Before Kate met him, she tried to get better on her own, she even did yoga, but that didn't help the fact that she'll never see again. Only Rick's presence did.

"I've noticed." Her father's lips curve into a small smile, nodding his head at her.

"My head hurts so bad," she whines, rubbing at her temples and feeling the tears sliding in the corners of her mouth, tasting their saltiness on the tip of her tongue.

Jim's brows gather in concern, stepping closer to his daughter to place a hand on her shoulder once again and guide her towards her bedroom. "I think you should take some rest; I'll prepare some lunch."

"No, Dad, you're tired too, you don't need to-"

"Katie, I'm fine, you go get some sleep and let the head of yours blow off some steam."

* * *

Of course, she doesn't sleep when there are so many things running through her head.

Her back is propped against the headboard of the bed, a big pillow nestled in her arms around her chest, and a small pack of tissues in her hand. She's biting on her thumbnail uncontrollably, almost peeling off the whole layer of the nail on her thumb, while thinking about Rick's words back when they were in his car. She thinks about the deadline of her surgery, about the fact that if she doesn't see out for treatment by the end of the month it'll be too late. Her oncologist explained to her father that if her cancer becomes metastatic it will shed 'cancer cells' into the blood stream or lymphatic system and send new cancer colonies anywhere in her body. Eventually, the cancer will consume her entire body and begin to affect the normal functioning of body systems which will lead to organ failure and death.

Before it didn't bother her that much and she didn't find any reasonable factor to treat herself, but after today's events and the realization that Rick cares a lot about her and really means it, she considers on changing her mind about the whole thing.

On the other hand, there's always the other side of the story that she's imagining. She knows that during chemotherapy people lose their hair, eyebrows, eyelids and she fears that this might make Rick pull away and become too much for him to handle. Kate wouldn't blame him if he does, it's not a pretty sight to witness every day. He would change his mind about her eventually and search for someone who looks better, who doesn't have such a complicated life. Besides, she'll probably never get her eyesight back, does he really want to deal with something like that?

There's a knock on her door that interrupts the train of negative thoughts, her father suggests her to go with him to take a walk around the neighborhood and buy something from the store on their way back. She doesn't have anything else to do anyways, besides obsessing with her thoughts, so she accepts his offer and decides to clear her mind with some father-daughter time together.

Just as they are leaving the building through the doors, her father's phone vibrates against his pocket, so he takes out to open the text message that he has received. He usually doesn't check text messages in the middle of a walk with his daughter, but this time, something urges him to stop her on the sidewalk next to him while he reads it.

"That must be some kind of a mistake." Jim murmurs under his breath, his eyebrows scrunching in big puzzlement.

"Why? What's up?" Kate asks, curiously.

But then realization seems to be hitting Jim's head, making his eyes bulge out of his head in awareness. His hands tighten their grip onto the small phone, his mouth opening and closing without making a sound. Just to make sure he reads the text once again and finally manages to say something, "Katie, there's transferred money into my bank account."

"So?" She shrugs her arms calmly, stuffing her cold fingers into the pockets of her coat.

"No, I mean – I think Rick transferred money for your treatment." Jim's voice trembles with emotion and Kate's eyes widen, her mouth opening in shock.

"What!?" She cries out in the middle of the sidewalk, earning a couple of looks from people around her. "Wait, no - Are you sure this isn't about something else?"

"I'm ninety-nine percent sure that it's the writer of yours. It has to be. It's a large amount of money."

"Oh my, God," She rubs at her temples once again, feeling another wave of a headache cracking her blood cells and nerves. "How does he know your bank account?"

"Uh, Rick asked me about it two days ago when you were still at the cabin. He didn't explain why he just asked for it. I assume he sent the money during your time there."

She remembers when they had their first fight, also first kiss and Rick took a tour with his car around the small town that is near the cabin. He might have transferred that money through ATM there and then came back in the cabin without mentioning a word about money. He only showed to her the postcards he bought and nothing else. Why would he hide it from her? Oh, well, there are a bunch of reasons actually…

"That's why he went to town…" Kate mumbles to herself in realization, her lungs tightening in the lack of oxygen due to her high-stress levels. "Dad, I need to talk to him."

"Come on, let's get the car. Do you know his address?"

* * *

Rick stops thinking about the events from today altogether and decides to pick a movie to watch to clear off his mind a little. There's a knock on his door just in the middle of the most interesting part of the movie and he decides to ignore it this once, thinking it's someone from his neighbors, but then there's another knock and he jumps out of his seat on the sofa to deal with whoever stands on the other side of the door.

When he opens the door, he expects to be met with the sight of Mr. Robinson or some of his other neighbors, but instead, there is Kate, very sad and confused looking Kate with her hands hanging loosely at her sides, her eyes shining with something he guesses is hope? He surely didn't expect her to show up here and the fact that she's here alone, makes him feel concerned.

"Kate?" He asks with a hint of puzzlement and surprise in his voice, which slightly calms the nerves in Kate's bones, thankful that he's surprised rather than angry that she showed up at his apartment without making an announcement by calling him.

"H – hey, um, can we talk? If you want to, of course, otherwise I can just- "she's pointing her thumb at somewhere behind her, she doesn't even know what's there, but she's pointing at it because she doesn't know what to say or how to approach this conversation.

"Come in," he mumbles quietly, almost unreachable for her ears, but she manages to step inside and close the door behind her. "Did you come all the way here alone?"

"Uh, no. My father guided me to your apartment door and then he left." She replies, her lips pinching into a thin line when silence surrounds them after Rick says a faint 'Oh.', and nothing else.

She tries to remember the things she thought about on her way here, about the things that she so desperately wanted to talk to him about, but they are so much that she's forgotten almost all of them. Besides being so uncontrollably anxious makes it harder for her to concentrate properly.

"You transferred money," she says, licking her dry lips to moisture them.

Rick's brows raise up at the mention of 'transferred money', all of sudden feeling a faint emotion of guiltiness that he might have made her feel uncomfortable by sending that money. Maybe she's angry with him, oh – she's probably here to give them back. "Yeah, I guess I did. I'm sorry if-"

"Why?"

"Why did I transferred them?" He asks, standing in front of her, watching as she props her back against the door, nodding at him slightly. "I really don't know. I just thought that maybe if you have the money you'd change your mind, but I guess I was wrong. I apologize if I made you feel uncomfortable... if I overstepped."

He really doesn't have a reasonable explanation about why he sent them to her father, maybe he was thinking at the time that her father would convince her to get treatment easier when they had the money, but now that he thinks about it, it's actually a dumb thing to do. She's never asked him about money, she's made it clear that this is not what she wants.

"Actually, I came here to tell you that I'm sorry about everything, the way I acted and hurt you with my hasty actions and selfishness. I know it's not enough, but-"

"I get it."

"No, let me explain-" God, she really doesn't know how to approach this one and make it better, make him believe what she's saying.

"Look, Kate," he stops her, holding up a hand and closing his eyes to gather his thoughts and form them into a sentence. "I understand that you're sorry, it's okay. I accept your apology, but that's not the point… the point is that I can't stand this anymore, being around you and knowing that your condition will get worse at some point… I can't, it's too much to be witnessing something like that, especially when it's someone you really _care_ about. I can't watch you die, Kate."

"That's exactly why I'm here, Rick. To tell you that tonight I'm calling my oncologist and I'll inform him that I'll seek out for treatment and do the surgery as soon as possible." Her voice is barely above a whisper, her knuckles turning white from the tight grip she has on her hands to keep them from trembling.

His heart leaps out of the cage of his ribs, causing him to choke on his own intake of breath, his blue eyes widening in disbelief. _Did she just… say that?_ Is he dreaming or imagining, hallucinating – is what she's saying real or a joke? "Kate,"

"I'm really sorry that I hurt you, Rick." She mumbles, bowing her head down in what seems to be a shame and he immediately steps towards her, needing to be closer for this important conversation they're having.

"Kate, I - are you really saying that, are you really going to... get treatment?"

"Yes, I've come up with that decision, I'm not changing it. Otherwise, what would we do with all that money?" She jokes a nervous laugh escape her mouth, causing Rick to laugh through tears that unexpectedly leaked from his eyes like a waterfall. They're happy tears.

"You don't know how happy that makes me, it's indescribable." He shakes his head, his voice hoarse while brushing off some of the tears on his cheeks with the sleeves of his shirt. "God, I'm such a girl right now."

"Hey," she murmurs gently, stepping closer to him to be able to find his face with her hands and stroke the sides of his cheeks, examining his jawline and chin with her fingertips. "Crying is not for girls only."

Rick hums sweetly, lowering his forehead against hers, her nose briefly bumping his. Kate feels his parted lips hovering over hers, their warm breaths ghosting around the space between them, their proximity causing her to trace her thumb towards the lines of his mouth before surging up onto her toes to close the distance between them. At first, Rick remains still at the unexpected connection, causing her to wonder if he didn't want that, but then these thoughts vanish as he responds by sucking her bottom lip into his mouth. This kiss is different from their other kisses, this time, they don't rush it, they just try to explore each other as if testing the waters, tentatively moving their lips and getting lost in the perfect sensation.

"Rick," she mumbles in between soft kisses, pulling away slightly to be able to speak without surging up for another kissing session. "Are you sure you want this?"

"More than anything, Kate. All of you," he whispers, lifting his hand towards one strand of hair that has fallen between them, placing it behind her ear.

"Yeah, but… the chemotherapy, Rick – I'm going to lose my hair. Are you sure you want this?" Her voice is so small and unsure; it causes his heart to clench in sympathy.

"I don't care, Kate, with or without hair you're always going to be beautiful to me." He replies full of honesty to her question, trying to wash away any traces of insecurity that bother her. "As long as your treatment goes well… I'll be forever happy. Just stay with me."

"I'm staying," she promises before lifting up her chin upwards to capture his lips once again, letting out a surprised whine when he places both of his hands beneath her thighs to lift her up in his arms and guide them to his bedroom.

That's all they need for confirmation that everything's going to work out well.

* * *

 **Next chapter is the EPILOGUE.**


	15. Chapter 15

**Epilogue**

* * *

Rick is observing the hospital room that has a low light on all the time, and there are cords hanging down for the nurse's call button and the IV solutions. The bedside table next to Kate's sleeping body has a several get well cards and a bouquet of flowers from him, her father and couple of colleagues from the twelfth precinct that came by. There is an aqua colored water glass with a bent straw that he'd use when she wakes up, her throat will be probably dry as the Sahara.

He's sitting in a comfortable chair next to her bed, watching the TV that hangs in the corner, tuned to some boring TV show that he can't even understand the plot. Therefore, instead of watching the boring screen, he watches the woman he loves. There are wires glued to her chest and coming up through the neck of her hospital gown, her scalp wrapped in bandage due to the surgery she had experienced.

A complex surgery such as a brain tumor removal procedure probably leads to a slower wake up, so he waits patiently and thinks about the events in the last twenty-four hours.

His mind drifts off to their moment before the surgery, it was when he told her that he loves her for the first time and she told him that she loves him too. It has been just when her anesthesia provider, her surgeon, and the nurse moved her body into optimal position on the operating room table. The surgeons washed their hands and don sterile gowns and gloves when he asked and pleaded them to speak with her just before the surgery begins. He was practically pleading, so they gave him three minutes, so he quickly went to her side of the operating table and took her fragile hand in his large ones.

He could see it in her eyes that she was nervous about the surgery, so he stroked her hand in comfort and whispered with a voice full of encouragement that everything is going to be fine and that they'll celebrate with ice-cream after the surgery passes, which brought a faint smile to her face. Then he remembered why he wanted to talk to her in a first place, so he leaned next to her ear and whispered the words _'I love you, Kate'_ , which caused a simple tear to slip from her watery eyes. With shaky hands she attempted to remove the mask from her face, so she could whisper the words back to him.

Thinking of this moment right now, makes his heart explode into million pieces.

After about an hour he's about to fall asleep in that chair, but then a movement catches the corner of his eye. Her fingers are slightly trembling and her eyes are struggling to open, which immediately sends him to his feet to hover over her body.

"Kate?" He whispers gently, watching as her eyelids open after a couple of attempts, her eyes are glassy and unfocused. "Hey, how are you?"

She's just blinking sluggishly and taking out her tongue to moisture her dry lips, slow as a sloth. He immediately remembers about the cup of water and brings the straw between her lips, watching as she struggles to lift her head, so he places a hand beneath her scalp gently not to touch the bandage on her head. After taking a couple of tiny sips, he takes away the cup and watches as she brings a hand to her eyes, rubbing at them.

"My head hurts a little, but I'm fine." She mumbles, which makes him more relaxed now that she talks and says she's fine. He leans down to press a gentle kiss against her forehead and squeezes her hand.

"I'm going to bring the Doctor, so he can check if everything is okay, be right back."

* * *

Three months later

She's in Rick's bathroom when the last remaining hair on her head falls, there are only small exhausted by the chemotherapy hairs beneath her fingers. Kate's half glad that she's not able to see herself in the mirror because she's pretty sure it's not looking really nice, she can't imagine how Rick must be feeling around her, so she's trying to hide her bald head from him most of the time by putting on a cloth as if not to make him uncomfortable.

She can feel the scar from the surgery on the back of her scalp with her fingers when suddenly large arms wrap around her body from behind, taking her by surprise.

"Hey, what are you doing?" Rick whispers casually in her ear, causing her to cheeks flame from the embarrassment that he's here, witnessing what must be a very ugly scene.

"Rick," She groans, pulling away from his embrace to push him gently towards the door of the bathroom, but he doesn't move at all. "Please, this is making me feel uncomfortable."

A hint of confusion and puzzlement washes over his face, twisting his head to a side to look at her in wonder. He knows that she's shying away from him every time her scalp is not covered with something because she thinks it's making him think less of her. But that's not true.

"Kate," he sighs, stepping in front of her to close the remaining space between them and pull her into a tight hug, which she refuses to accept at first, but then calms in his soft embrace and breathes in the scent of his aftershave. "Don't push me away, we've already spoken about this. You're the most beautiful woman with or without hair."

Kate huffs at his compliment, hiding her face in the juncture of his collarbone and neck. "I still have some hair, but I want to shave it – but I can't do that, I can't see where- "

"I'll do it," He kisses the top of her head, stroking her back in comfort and pulls away to search for the razor.

"No, Rick, you don't have to do that…" She murmurs in embarrassment, crossing her arms across her chest.

"But I want to." He replies, taking her hand in his to guide her in front of the mirror, taking a hold of the razor and gently starting to remove the last of her brown hair.

* * *

Five months later

Yesterday was her last chemotherapy session and once again, she imagined the poison running through her veins and body as the chemo went through her, but thankfully Rick was there next to her hospital bed to distract her from these haunting thoughts.

Through the months she could feel run-down and cranky, but then she's okay in a few hours. She gets brain fuzziness sometimes and will have a hard time concentrating, and she'll be completely exhausted. She has had some numbing sensations in her toes and fingers sometimes, but it's mainly just weird, not painful, besides Rick's always by her side and he even insists on massaging her back and legs even if she says it's unnecessary. Chemo has also changed the way things taste, so it takes her time to figure out what she's eating, which is really confusing because she can't see it, but once again – Rick has been always by her side.

They've decided to live together in his apartment, so he could always be there when she needs him and her father could go to work without worrying all day about his daughter's well-being. At first, Kate felt uncomfortable with putting Rick into such situation where he had to babysit her all the time, but he promised her that it's a pleasure for him to help her and that they are in it together. She's glad that she isn't affecting his work since he's a writer and he can write from anywhere. Even sometimes she'd feel very nauseated and he'd lay in bed beside her to be there if she needs something, meanwhile writing with his laptop on his lap.

* * *

He's now entering her bedroom, holding a tray with toast and ginger tea for her upset stomach, watching as she props herself slowly against the headboard of the bed, allowing him to put the tray in her lap.

"Thanks, babe." She mumbles, instantly reaching for the cup of tea to ease the knots in her stomach with ginger.

He can't help but grin like a little boy at the fact that she just called him 'babe', which happened before, but it still makes his stomach flip in excitement. "You are welcome, sweetheart."

She scrunches her eyebrows at him, causing him to laugh, "Okay, I guess I'm not going to call you that. Anyways, how are you feeling?"

"I guess I'm better than earlier, I'm just exhausted by the fact that everything I eat is bitter to taste." A frown paints across her face while drinks some more of the ginger tea, leaning her head against the headboard.

Rick's eyes shine with concern, sitting closer to her to be able to place a hand over her cheek. "It's your last chemo, you'll come back to your senses soon."

"I know," her lips curve into a happy smile at that, lifting her hand to place it over Rick's knuckles. "Thank you for everything, Rick."

"Always." He takes their hands away from her face to hold them in front of him, a serious expression crossing his face. "Look, Kate – I've been thinking… I haven't given you the hundredth postcard and now I'll give it to you obviously," he laughs at himself, causing Kate's mouth to stretch into a grin. "But I wanted to make it special, so I – well, you'll see."

He caused her to look pretty much confused by his nervous stuttering, but then her eyebrows raise up when he takes the tray of food to place it on the nightstand, sliding a postcard in her hands instead. She opens the card cautiously, bringing her bottom lip into her mouth to bite in anticipation. Her fingers dance over the letters, her eyebrows gathering in concentration while it takes her some time to figure out what the card says.

At some point, her hands pause their examination and her mouth opens and close, unable to make a sound. "Rick," she breathes out, her eyes widening in disbelief. "Am I doing something wrong? Is what this is – says what it is…"

"You aren't doing anything wrong, I'm pretty sure you got it right." He speaks, trying to suppress his excitement and calm the nerves in his body that caused his hands to sweat.

"You really mean that?" Her voice is barely above a whisper, her hands that hold onto the card are now trembling.

"Yes, Kate. I want to marry you."

Of course, she wants to marry him too.

* * *

 _I want to thank everybody who read my story and took time to write reviews. I had a really great time writing it and I hope you're satisfied with the final chapter and the whole story itself. Thank you once again!_


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